How Friends Affect Your Self Esteem

Who Are You Surrounding Yourself With?

Think about how you feel when you’re with your friends. Are you laughing, teasing, supporting each other, and talking about your dreams? Or does the conversation often drift to complaints, gossip, or worries?

The people you spend time with — and how you spend that time — can say a lot about your self-esteem and confidence. There’s a well-known idea, we become the average of the five people we spend the most time with. So, if those five people are positive, open-minded, and encouraging, chances are you feel the same way. But if your inner circle tends to focus on limitations or negativity, it might be holding you back without you even realising it.

If you want to feel better about yourself and your life, it may be time to reflect on the quality of your friendships.

Here are five key questions to ask yourself:

1. Are your friendships healthy?

To answer this, it helps to define what a healthy friendship looks like. For our purposes, let’s say it’s a relationship where both people feel supported, happy, and free to be themselves. There’s mutual respect and unconditional encouragement.

Do you ever feel your choices disappoint your friend, or you’re expected to follow their advice even when it doesn’t feel right? Are one or both of you a little too involved in each other’s lives? If so, it might be worth gently redefining the boundaries of the relationship.

2. Do your close friends support your dreams?

Are your friends your biggest cheerleaders? Do they share your excitement when you talk about your goals and ambitions? Or do they point out all the things that could go wrong — “just being realistic,” of course?

Think about whether you feel energised after sharing your ideas, or deflated. Great friends might not always agree with you, but they’ll back your efforts and want to see you succeed.

3. Do your friends focus on the positive?

Is your time together filled with talk about what’s going well, or do conversations tend to get bogged down in what’s going wrong?

There’s a saying: what you focus on grows. If you and your friends tend to dwell on problems, it can be draining. But when you look for solutions and celebrate the good stuff, it makes life lighter — even during the tough times.

4. Are your friends grateful for life’s abundance?

Do your friends share their joy and positivity freely? Are they generous with their time, energy, or kindness? Being around people who notice and appreciate life’s blessings is uplifting — and often contagious.

Gratitude doesn’t mean ignoring life’s difficulties. But a grateful friend can help shift your perspective, even on a grey day.

5. Do you feel light and happy around your friends?

Next time you spend time with a close friend, notice how you feel afterward. Uplifted? At ease? Or perhaps a bit drained or flat?

Not every catch-up will be full of sunshine, but a good friend brings comfort, perspective, and a sense of connection — even when life is heavy. They’ll help you see your strengths and remind you of what you’re capable of.

A great friend — someone who is present, supportive, and uplifting — is a gift not just to you, but to the world. And if you’re lucky enough to have friends like that, count yourself blessed.

But what if one of your friendships doesn’t quite measure up? It’s natural for relationships to ebb and flow, and no one gets it right all the time. However, if a friendship consistently leaves you feeling drained, criticised, or unseen, it may be time for an honest check-in — with yourself first, and perhaps with your friend too.

Start by quietly observing what’s going on. Is the dynamic something that can shift with a bit of open conversation? Sometimes, people simply don’t realise the impact they’re having. A gentle, kind chat can make a world of difference. Other times, you might decide to take a step back — spending less time with someone who no longer supports your wellbeing, while still wishing them well.

Friendship doesn’t have to last forever to have meaning. Some people are part of our journey for a season, and that’s okay. What matters most is surrounding yourself with people who help you grow, laugh, and feel fully yourself — and doing your best to be that kind of person in return.