Caring for an elderly parent is a daunting task for anyone. When you’re in the 50 plus age bracket, and caring for a parent who is no longer able to manage their finances, it becomes even more difficult. You can easily find yourself encountering expenses you wouldn’t otherwise have, and at the very time you’re either saving for your retirement, or are already relying on superannuation.
Among our previous articles in this series, we’ve looked at ways in which family members can ensure the main caregiver of an elderly parent (usually the adult child who is living geographically closest to the parent) can be compensated for larger expenditures (costs such as grocery purchases, or payments for medical and other personal appointments). Now we want to discuss a more delicate issue; one many adult children, caring for a parent, are reluctant to bring up with other members of the family for fear of appearing ‘niggardly’. We’re going to call it an issue of ‘petty costs’, but as you will soon see, it’s not ‘petty’ at all!
As the adult child leading the care of an elderly parent, you will find yourself encountering numerous small costs other family members who live further away will not even be aware of. They may include taking your parent for morning or afternoon tea (a treat you would not normally give yourself) after a shopping trip or appointment, or bringing them a takeaway coffee or ice-cream whenever you visit because they are house-bound. It could be taking them for a weekend drive, or dropping off their cat at the vet for a check-up. It may see you purchasing a small gift to give to a neighbour who has been especially helpful to your parent during an emergency, or even booking a weekend away for you and your parent when you can see they would benefit from a much-needed break.
Viewed individually, the costs associated with these actions are not those you would normally wish to receive compensation for. That’s because they are small acts of generosity any adult child would wish to offer a parent. However, as a caregiver, you are interacting with your parent on a far more regular basis than you would be if they were independent. Which is why, collectively, these small costs can make a considerable dent in what may be your own modest income. For example, on a monthly basis, morning tea after shopping visits, takeaway coffees, fuel and running costs for a day trip, a gift for a neighbour, and a trip to the vet with the cat, can easily come to over $200. In a year, that adds up to around $2,500. So just how do you bring up what can feel like an embarrassing subject with siblings?
The first way is to begin appreciating yourself. As well as the ‘petty costs’ you incur through being the main caregiver to an elderly parent, you are also expending a great deal more time with them than you would be if you lived further away. You may have even decided to forgo an opportunity of part-time work, or have made the decision to retire early in order to provide care. Which is why it is not being niggardly to request compensation for the many little kindnesses you provide to help make your parent’s life more enjoyable. Consider this when you ask your siblings for a ‘petty cash’ account which you can use to pay for treats – and be honest about the fact it will also need to cover your own expenses (such as your lunch or morning tea), too. (It can help to point out you will still want to treat your parent out of your own purse occasionally, just as they would.) Make the suggestion you use the ‘petty cash’ account to provide your parent with a little cash they can keep in their own purse or wallet (even if they don’t usually manage their own finances). This way, you can occasionally say to Mum or Dad, when out for morning tea: “Your shout, today, Dad!” something which gives your parent dignity to oblige. When it comes to the many small travel expenses you incur in your parent’s care, suggest to siblings you keep a running record of those you consider over and above what would be your normal ‘visits and courtesies.’ Request you be paid for this at government service rates.
There is no need to be embarrassed about talking to other family members about the ‘petty costs’ incurred in caring for your parent. Once they are explained, it will be quite obvious to all you are not asking for anything unreasonable. On the contrary, you are giving far more than any other family member who is living at a distance.
Read our other articles in this series;
Caring for Elderly Parents – The Hidden Costs
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