Welcome to part 4 of our ‘Grey Divorce’ articles, where we take a look at how to rebuild your life after a grey divorce. After all the trials you’ve already been through – making the decision to split, breaking the news to family, and weathering negative reactions from friends – it’s time to move constructively onward and upward with your life.
Plot the progress
Recovery from anything is seldom linear. There are ups and downs along the way. However, because we’re human, we tend to enjoy the ups when they’re there, but fail to remember them when the downs come along. The result is we can quickly feel as though the difficult times have been the only times, something that drags down our spirits and prevents us from moving forward. Keeping a daily journal is a very real way to record your after-divorce progress, because it ensures the positives get recognition. However, a journal only becomes truly valuable when you revisit it regularly. Since no one wants to dwell on the negative, use a highlighter to mark your positive entries. This way, when you flip through your journal, these moments will jump out at you, serving as a reminder of the progress you’re making!
Practical planning
When you were one of a couple, you probably shared with your partner everything from insurance policies to bank accounts, and perhaps even subscriptions and social media addresses. Now it’s time to make the switch. Don’t tackle this time-consuming life-admin task in one hit, or it will drag you down. Instead, make a to-do list, and work your way through it in small bites. Ensure you deal with the most essential items (such as bank accounts, insurance policies, and car registration) first. By prioritizing, you’ll avoid potential costs down the track.
Forging friendships
Friendships are so tied up with couples-behavior. After your divorce, some of your friendships will likely go by the by, or at least disappear off the radar for a time. Turn your disappointment and grief into action, and positively search for new friendships. To do this, it’s often not even necessary to look outside your immediate circle of acquaintances. Instead, take the initiative and join your work colleagues for a Friday after-work drink, or linger longer over coffee with your walking group companions. Spend more time with the faithful friends you already have – invite them away for a weekend break, or offer to help them out with a task you know they have coming up. Making friends and deepening existing friendships is all about the hours and effort you put into it.
If you need further tips for making new friends, read our article, 7 Ways to Make New Friends
Hello, Me!
If the marriage you’ve left behind has been emotionally unhealthy, it’s likely robbed you of your own identity. It may have demanded you neglect your own interests in order to appease your partner, or that you hide your true personality because it aggravated your ‘significant other’. Perhaps you enjoyed fashion, but were coerced into ‘toning it down.’ Or you may have once been gregarious but the nature of your relationship meant you became a stay-at-home type. Now you’ve left unhealthy control behind, it’s time to remember who you were – and still are – and to acknowledge who you want to be. If you have trouble doing so, reach out to a professional who can help. Ask your medical professional or Citizens Advice for a list of counsellors who specialise in this area of work.
Formulate your future
When you were one of a couple, your future plans were tightly bound up with those of your partners. You may even have let go of your own retirement dreams to appease your ‘other.’ Now you’re free to reclaim or reassess them, so take pleasure in the freedom this brings. Discussing dreams and schemes with trusted friends is one way to begin, but if you feel you need professional help to make plans or make them come true, consider the services of a life-coach or mentor. When choosing a life-coach, check reviews thoroughly, and give consideration to choosing one who specialises in post-divorce guidance.
Many senior divorcees manage their transition into their new life with ease, while others struggle and require help to build a structured pathway forward. If you need a routine or a professional hand to navigate your future, don’t put off seeking it because you’ve already waited too long!
We hope you’ve enjoyed our series on grey divorce. If you have any experiences you wish to share with our community, head over to our forum page and share your knowledge with others going through the same thing. You can also find out previous articles below;
Senior Divorce Rates Are On the Rise
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