Would you Up-Sticks to Live Closer to your Adult Child?

So, you’re considering moving to another location in order to be closer to your adult child? If so, welcome to a very common, and potentially loaded, subject (for reasons you may never have thought of). For retirees, especially those who are growing more senior, or who may have recently lost a partner, grappling with the decision to up-sticks to be closer to family isn’t easy. The good news is, with plenty of experience from others to call on, we’ve been able to do some of the homework for you – as you’ll discover when you dive into part 1 of our 2-part article on this tricky subject:

Part 1 – Asking the big questions!

It can feel flattering to have an adult child invite you to come live in their own location, but it pays to ask them why they would want you to. Is it, for instance, because they would like you to be more involved with your grandchildren? Or because they feel their neck of the woods has more to offer you in terms of lifestyle? Do they hope you’ll be less likely to be lonely with family close by? Or less burdened with home maintenance? These are all good motives for issuing an invitation to move, and if they fit with your knowledge of your son or daughter – great!

However, nothing is black or white, and it’s not uncommon for our adult kids (and/or their partners) to also have their own interests at heart when they invite you to live close to them, whether or not they’re conscious of this at the time. As well as wanting the best for you, are they, for instance, also hoping you’ll be the unpaid babysitter for their growing family? Is part of the reason for wanting you to move, that it will be easier (and less costly) for them to visit you as you grow older, when you can’t so easily visit them? On a more serious note, could it be they feel they will be more ‘in control’ of your life choices (and perhaps your finances, as well) if you’re within arm’s reach? Without wishing to suggest anything sinister, could it be, in terms of inheritance, they hope, by living closer, you will develop a more trusting and intimate relationship with them than you have with their siblings?

No one wants to doubt their own adult child, especially when their invitation to ‘come live in our town’ can be one hundred percent genuine. The fact is, however, not all families are perfect when it comes to relationships, and human nature dictates everyone is looking out for their own interests to some degree. That’s why, when considering an invitation from an adult child to move home to live in their location, it pays to consult the whole family, and to do so in a transparent way (if your adult children live far away, setting up a Zoom or Teams meeting to talk to all of them at once, can be a helpful start). Once you’ve gathered views from everyone, let your children know you still have your own homework to do, and any decision you come to won’t be rushed. Just what homework you’ll want to do, will be the subject of our next article.

In the meantime, why not make a list of all the things (and people) you’re grateful for where you currently live. What would you would miss about them if you were to move away? Because it’s not until we’re faced with such a possibility that we truly appreciate our surroundings and connections.