Say ‘No’ to Food without Offence

It’s March, and the ‘Christmas kilo’ is slowly coming off thanks to some deliberate effort and hard work on your part. Which makes it so unfair when some friends and family members seem to do their very best to push food onto your plate you’d rather not eat.

People who repeatedly offer food you’ve already declined, or who make it difficult for you to refuse, are what are commonly known as ‘food pushers.’ While ‘food pusher’ holds negative connotations, those who fit the description usually don’t push food out of malice, or even thoughtlessness. In fact, most food pushers are well-meaning in their intentions.

Food has long been a way of offering hospitality, especially in  cultural settings, so providing it for others is often a way of being generous, supportive, and loving. For some food pushers, it can also be a way of building connections, or offering consolation, congratulations, or sympathy.

There are also less healthy reasons for encouraging others to overeat, or to eat the kind of food they don’t wish to consume. Sometimes, a food pusher may be completely unaware of why they are behaving in this irritating way. They may push food onto others, for example, because they subconsciously derive a sense of approval from seeing what they have prepared, being ‘enjoyed’. If a slice of birthday cake is declined, they may take it as a rebuff, even if they don’t outwardly show it. Other food pushers have a feeling of guilt, food is ‘wasted,’ and so they do everything they can to encourage others to eat up every last morsel.

A small number of food pushers, however, can have more manipulative reasons for piling food onto the plates of others, or continuing to drop off baking where there is no need for it. In cases like this, a food pusher may actively be seeking to sabotage the good intentions of another, or to bolster their own sense of self-esteem by watching others eat food they would not want to eat themselves.

Being aware of a food pusher in your midst is one thing, but thwarting their efforts (especially when food is offered in kindness) is another. However, it is possible to decline food or deal with it, while still retaining friendship, admiring effort, acknowledging support, and avoiding waste. Below are some helpful suggestions for doing just this:

How to say ‘no’ while bolstering a cook’s ego

“I couldn’t eat another bite – but I’d love a serving to take home!”

“No to seconds, thanks, but yes to the recipe (unless it’s a secret)!”

“Not for me thanks, but let me get a pic of you holding your cake/casserole/trifle – it’s magnificent!”

“Full-up thanks – but you’ll have no trouble finding another taker – that was just delicious.”

How to put-off the pusher without actually saying ‘no’

“Mmm … tempting! Let me get back to you about that!”

“Not quite yet, thanks.”

“I’ll just let that last helping settle.”

“I’m saving myself for the next round!”

How to leave no room for debate

“Not this time, thanks, I’m having a few issues” [said as you pat your tummy]. Your host is unlikely to enquire further as ‘issues’ can mean anything!

“I only wish I could.”

“It’s so hard to resist, but I’ve been advised to watch what I eat.”

When unwanted baking arrives and you don’t want to waste it

Put the baking in the freezer at the first opportunity, then bring it out when you have visitors, or gift it to a rest home or community pantry.

Offer the baking to your family for use in your grandchildren’s school lunches.

Correctly composting food isn’t wasting it – if you can’t resist the baking, return it to the earth!

Food pushers come in many guises. They may be your parent, your partner, a friend, or member of your social group. Whoever they are, remember it’s your body, and you’re in control of what nutrients go into it. Learn your lines and strategies – and good luck!