Salary Raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons.

Dear Management

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following reasons:

  • I do physical labor
  • I work at great depths
  • I plunge head first into everything I do
  • I do not get weekends off or public holidays
  • I work in a damp environment
  • I don't get paid overtime
  • I work in a dark workplace that has poor ventilation
  • I work in high temperatures
  • My work exposes me to contagious diseases

Sincerely,
The Penis

* * *

Dear Penis,

After assessing your request, and considering the arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your request for the following reasons:

  • You do not work 8 hours straight
  • You fall asleep on the job after brief work period
  • You do not always follow the orders of the management team
  • You do not stay in your allocated position, and often visit other areas
  • You do not take initiative – you need to be pressured and stimulated in order to start working
  • You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of your shift
  • You don't always observe necessary safety regulations, such as wearing the correct protective clothing
  • You'll retire well before reaching 65
  • You're unable to work double shifts
  • You sometimes leave your allocated position before you have completed the day's work. And if that were not all, you have been seen constantly entering and leaving the workplace carrying 2 suspicious looking bags.

Sincerely,
The Management