You love ’em – but it doesn’t mean you have to be their on-call, taken-for-granted babysitter. Being a go-to, night’n’day, never-say-no babysitter to grandchildren is a recipe for disaster. It leads to resentment among the adults involved, and builds in children the notion gran or grandad are there to ‘fill-in’ for mum and dad, rather than being treasured senior members of their extended family. To avoid the babysitter label, test-drive the following practical tips:
Honesty first
Right from the start, let your son or daughter know you’ll always be honest with them regarding babysitting. This way, they’ll never be afraid to ask, and you won’t need to feel guilty at saying ‘no.’ It also means you don’t need to provide a reason for declining. A simple: “I won’t be able to help on that day,” will suffice.
Get in first
When it comes to babysitting, it can be helpful (and also politic!) to let your kids know your own timetable – and you don’t always need to be specific. For example, you may decide to share your digital calendar with them so they know when you’re out for regular club and social activities, but you can also let it be known your time is limited during particular times of the year, such as gardening or swimming season. Armed with this knowledge, your family will be less likely to ask the favour of you.
Start as you mean to go on
Make it clear from the get-go, your time with your grand-children is to be treated as something special. You can do this by issuing invitations to grandchildren to come to you for a treat, rather than your waiting to be called upon. Send them a text (or a letter!) inviting them to bake with you, go camping for the night, or to join you for afternoon tea at a cafe or a picnic in the park, Invitations set the tone of your relationship with your grandchildren so parents see babysitting as an ‘extra’ rather than ‘a given.’
Learn how to say ‘no’
Saying ‘no’ to anyone can be hard, let alone saying it to your grownup kids. It pays to ‘practise in the mirror’ (literally!). Practise saying ‘no’ to babysitting without giving a reason. Practise saying ‘no’ with honesty – you don’t have to be going out to say ‘no,’ it may simply be you’re physically too tired or you are looking forward to a quiet afternoon to yourself. Practise saying ‘no’ without offering an alternative (i.e. don’t say: “No, but would tomorrow work instead?”).
Be there in other ways
Even with all the time in the world, you may still not enjoy babysitting your grandchildren, and that’s OK! If you do want to help out with the grandies, there are plenty of other ways you can do it: you can bake for school lunches, offer to run them to their after-school activity, cook an evening meal once a month, or fix their bicycles when they break down – the list is endless, and your help will be so appreciated.
My place or yours!
Minding grandchildren isn’t just about the hours they are with you – it’s also the hours you spend cleaning up once they’ve gone home. If you’re offering to babysit, perhaps it’s best if you go to the children’s own house rather than they come to yours. This way, you don’t have to clean up afterwards, and you’re free to leave as soon as mum or dad come home.
If you don’t ask …
A grandparent’s house is not a child care centre, and it shouldn’t have to be. If you are kind enough to babysit at your house, ask parents for what you need, and save yourself the huge effort of providing it. For example, if children are to sleep over, request they bring sleeping bags, pillows, and towels. You should also not be expected to supply necessaries such as disposable nappies or spare clothing. If there aren’t already childproof catches on your cupboards, mum or dad will need to fit them!
Looking after yourself doesn’t make you a selfish grandparent – it simply sets sensible boundaries so relationships remain positive, and you all get to appreciate and enjoy each other!
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