When kids do things that are naughty or they make mistakes, then we often feel cross and annoyed. That’s very natural. But what about seeing these as opportunities to turn the situation around… to help your child learn something, rather than just feel bad or make them feel bad.
These occasions then become ‘teachable moments’.
Your kids made a choice… perhaps it was the choice to play at a friend’s place on the way home from school without telling you. Or perhaps it was the choice to steal a chocolate bar from the dairy. Or to be careless about your tools. They’ve made a choice… and you’d like them to make a better choice next time.
Two things are going to change their behaviour… the consequence of this choice, and thinking about what might be a better choice next time. I should add, one thing isn’t going to change their behaviour… our anger.
If we turn on the anger, they won’t hear our words; they will just feel the heat and react against it. Make sure they experience a logical consequence – not a harsh penalty, but something that will make them understand the ‘weight’ of what they’ve done. For instance, if they make a mess, they clean it up; they break something, they get involved in repairing or replacing it. And if they steal something, they have to go back to the shop, return the goods, apologise and offer to make some sort of amends.
Then second thing is to talk through some of the issues that were involved, and especially what they could do next time to avoid this trouble. “What could you say if your mates want you to pinch something for them?” “What would you do if you wanted to play at a friend’s place after school instead of coming straight home?”
Both the consequence and the talking have a goal – to get them thinking and problem solving.
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