Spouse First

I was asked for a list of twenty-five parenting tips and number two was, put your spouse first.

If you’re parenting on your own then I want to assure you that you can raise perfectly sound, healthy, wholesome kids – there are extra challenges but you can do it. But if you’re parenting as team, the health of your relationship with your partner really impacts your kids.

It was advice I received early on in my parenting and I think it worked well: as a dad, the best thing you can do for your kids is love their mum, and I am sure the advice works the other way around too.

Kids thrive in the security of knowing their parents love each other.  When you make their other parent the priority for your greetings and affection, it helps kids realise that they are not the centre of the universe and not even the centre of the family, and I think they get a sense of relief that comes from that: “I am part of something!” 

By the way, I never found there was any conflict in my affections. Maybe in a dysfunctional, sputtering relationship there could be but I have never been thrown into a dilemma where I had to choose between loving my Naomi or loving my kids.

One final thing – your relationship will be the template for their own adult relationships. The courtesy, affection, kindness and respect you show each other will be the most potent sex education your kids ever get.

With thanks to The Parenting Place