The ‘KFC’ Approach

Some parents lean towards being a bit bossy and harsh, other parents lean towards being  rather soft and a bit of a walk over. It’s got something to do with your temperament, who you are parenting with and how you were parented!

Whatever style of parent you are, there happens to be a combination of three factors that work a treat. It’s Kind, it’s Firm and it’s Calm. Easy to remember – KFC

When you work these three characteristics together as a unit, it stops you getting too harsh, mean and distant and it stops you falling into the weak, powerless and mushy parent mode.  It means you stay resolute and back yourself up when your child relentlessly persists. You are not movable but you are still warm, friendly and companionable. It means your children still feel close to you even when you are not giving them exactly what they are after.

You are calm – like you are set on a thermostat. The weather changes but you don’t. The storms threaten and instead of losing your cool, yelling, huffing and puffing, reminding your kids about stuff they already know – you stay calm. You keep your composure and your children look at you and feel safe. They see that the big person in their life is not getting affected by their behaviour and it helps them relax and reflect your calm. That is because ‘calm breeds calm and stir breeds stir’

So when your 3 year old refuses to come inside and your 5 year old is crying because you said he couldn’t have another biscuit and then your 9 year old is worrying about his homework,  you say to yourself “KFC”.

Your tone says to Samuel, the 3 year old, that he is welcome to come and see you, as you are walking inside to the house now. You remind him where you will be and you let him know that you will pop out in five minutes time.  There is no threat or panic in your voice or tone.

Your five year old Bella is offered a cuddle and a lap. You briefly and kindly say that you know she is sad about the biscuit. She nudges into you, relieved that she is understood and ready to pick herself up again.

You walk over to Timothy, who’s doing his homework, and let him know quietly and kindly (no one else needs to know) that you will be available to help him in ten minutes. You agree that it might feel like a long time but you know he can handle it. You offer an idea to help him but when he refuses it, you just hold your tongue even though you want to say “Well that’s all the help you are getting from me then.”