There’s nothing more frustrating than being constantly interrupted when you’re trying to impart news, express an opinion, or give instructions. Frustration aside, constant interruptions can impact us more negatively than we realise.
When you have something you want to say, ongoing interruptions can affect your sense of self-worth because it feels as though the ‘listener’ believes what they have to say is more important than what you are feeling or wishing to impart. Suddenly, you feel less valued, less heard, and less understood. On a purely practical side, interruptions are also unwelcome as we grow older because we are less likely to recall what we intended to say when our flow of speech is interrupted.
It’s true some chronic interrupters are self-centred, and will use anything you say as a reason to talk about themselves and their own issues. Or they may want to assert their own power over you by controlling the conversation or letting you know they have more knowledge than you do on a subject. There are also other ‘non-aggressive’ reasons why people interrupt to an unwelcome degree.
Some ‘listeners’ may be so interested in what you’re saying they want clarification or extension about an aspect of what you are telling them (and can’t wait for a suitable time to ask for this). They may be someone who likes to give positive affirmation so they interrupt frequently to congratulate you on something you said you did. They may be excitable or effusive and simply want to interrupt in order to come alongside your own enthusiasm. Unless these interruptions are very brief and only occasional – the result is the same – you are left with a story half-told, and losing the will to continue.
If you have a chronic interrupter in your life, just how can you deal with them without giving offence? One way is to try saying (in a casual, yet meaningful way) you have something you want to say that might sound a little confusing, but, if they don’t mind being patient with you, it will make sense by the end of the story. You can also try, when interrupted, holding up your hand in a gesture of ‘just wait a moment,’ before carrying on without stopping to answer their interjection. A blunter, yet more effective way to cope with interruptions is simply to pause for a moment while the interrupter has their say, then continue on as if they hadn’t interjected (an interrupter may soon ‘get the message’ if you do this more than once).
If your chronic interrupter is a close friend or family member, you may feel comfortable enough to let them know, directly, how you feel about their interrupting. If you decide to do this, approach it from your own perspective, rather than ‘blaming.’ In which case, be honest. You might say something like: “I really need you to listen to me without interrupting because I’m concerned I’ll lose my train of thought.” Or “Right now, I could really do with a listening ear.” Trying drawing their attention to your concerns in a non-condemnatory manner by saying something like: “I’m not sure you’ve actually heard me.” Or “Can you understand how I feel?” (This can be particularly effective if the ‘listener’ interrupts with their own concerns.)
As you consider ways in which you can help others not to interrupt you, give some thought as to whether you may be an interrupter, too, because most of us are, to a greater or lesser extent. It is only when our failure to listen, and our desire to interrupt, crosses a certain boundary, that problems occur. Why not run a mental ‘interrupter’ checklist on yourself, as well as your friends and family – if you do, you may have just found a way to increase the value of your relationships.
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