Everyday Life-Lessons from Traditional Cultures

China’s Qingming

The Festival of Qingming is known in English as ‘Tomb Sweeping Day.’ It is also observed in several other Asian countries including Vietnam, Malaysia, South Korea and Singapore. It is a day when families gather together to visit and spruce-up the graves of relatives. But the day is about much more than cleaning headstones. Qingming is an opportunity for different generations of family to come together and appreciate time spent with each other. Tending the graves reminds everyone of their roots, and of how far their family has come. It offers an a chance to reflect and be grateful for the sacrifices made by those who have gone before, and it can also offer an opportunity to forgive and move on from hurts which those from the past have caused. Regardless of our cultural background, gathering family together to tidy a family grave, rather than doing so alone, can be a way of reconnecting and strengthening ties that may have become distant over time.

Swede’s fika

Taking a coffee break isn’t new. Nor is dropping in at a friend’s place for a cuppa on the way back from a morning walk. But heading out for a coffee break, which the Swedes designate ‘fika,’ is much more than either of these casual habits. Fika is a seriously intentional coffee break that includes making a formal arrangement, ahead of time, with another (or even with yourself). It’s an invitation to sit down and relax with a hot drink and something you consider utterly delicious. The mere word ‘fika,’ when mentioned to another by way of arranging a meet-up, is a signal to a Swede to forget the world for a time, and fully immerse themselves in a catch-up. If you simply want to grab a takeaway coffee and sit with a friend as you both exchange casual snippets in between checking your emails or social media, this is not ‘fika.’ So, next time you plan to meet with a friend at a cafe, don’t simply flick them a text. Think about dropping a note in their mail box, or at the very least, an email. Suggest you both leave your phones in the car, and if you’re inviting your friend to your home, don’t just open a packet of biscuits – bake a treat you know you will both savour. Fika is all about the art of creating quality ‘time out.’

Greece’s mnimosyno

The anniversary of a loved one’s death can be a challenging time. That’s because, in Kiwi culture, few members of the community (or even family, other than, perhaps, siblings and children) will remember the date. Which leaves the one who feels most bereaved wondering just how they should interact with those around them on the day. Is it best to be social and say nothing, to call a friend and let them know how you’re feeling, or to head to the cemetery to lay flowers? The Greeks have a sensible solution – they formally mark the mourning period with a number of planned ceremonies. These include a blessing at the graveside 3 days after burial, and another gathering at the graveside 9 days later. At the 40 day-after-burial mark, a formal church memorial service, called a mnimosyno, is held. Invitations to it are often advertised in public places. At the service, guests are served brandy and cakes, and are sent home with small bags filled with a mixture of boiled wheat, pomegranate seed, and sweet spices.

We can all learn a lesson from these traditions by being more intentional around acknowledging anniversary days so we are not so alone with our grief. Some people find it helpful to organise a family meal at home, or at a restaurant, to acknowledge the anniversary of a bereavement. Others like to formalise a family tombstone unveiling. However we acknowledge a painful loss, it can help to do so in the company of those who are important to us.

Japan’s kintsugi

Kintsugi is a Japanese art. Those who engage in it are artisans capable of repairing broken ceramics in ways that leave a piece more beautiful, and often more valuable, than before. Kintsugi artists frequently fill cracks and chips in pottery with gold or other non-matching substances to help make the damage more visible. This special art form offers valuable metaphorical lessons which we can take into our daily lives. For instance, kintsugi reminds us of the trauma and suffering life often subjects us to, but from which, with resilience, we can emerge stronger than before. Kintsugi is also a reminder that although we, and those around us, may have flaws, we are all worth treasuring.

As we seek to build our own traditions, there is much to be learned by looking to traditional cultures for inspiration.