Irish Jokes

Paddy and Mick get a pilot to fly them to Canada to hunt moose.

They bag two.

As Paddy and Mick start loading the plane for the return trip, the 

pilot says, "The plane can only take one of those."

The two lads object strongly. "Last year we shot two, and the pilot let 

us put them both on board; he had the same plane as yours."

Reluctantly, the pilot gives in and the two are loaded.

However, even with full power, the little plane can't handle the load 

and down it goes and crashes in the middle of nowhere.

A few moments later, climbing out of the wreckage, Paddy asks Mick,

"Any idea where we are?"

"I think we're pretty close to where we crashed last year," says Mick.

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Paddy & Mick find three grenades, so they take them to a police 

station.

Mick: "What if one explodes before we get there?"

Paddy: "We'll lie and say we only found two"!

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Joe says to Paddy: "Close your curtains the next time you're having sex 

with your wife.  The whole street was watching and laughing at you 

yesterday.”

Paddy says: "Well the joke's on them because I wasn't even at home 

yesterday!”

———————————————-

The Irish have solved their own fuel problems. They imported 50 million 

tons of sand from the Arabs and they're going to drill for their own 

oil.

———————————————-

Paddy says to Mick, “I'm ready for a holiday, only this year I'm going 

to do it a bit different.

3 years ago I went to Spain and Mary got pregnant.

2 years ago I went to Italy and Mary got pregnant.

Last year I went to Majorca and Mary got pregnant.”

Mick asks, “So what are you going to do this year?”

Paddy replies, “I'll take her with me!”