How to Complain without Causing Offence

Lukewarm coffee, loud music, dismissive wait staff, grubby table-tops. As Kiwis, we’re well known for putting up with second-rate service rather than making a complaint. Yet keeping quiet isn’t helping anyone – especially management, who may not realise there’s a problem. Nor is it fair to write a scathing Facebook or Google review before giving an establishment the chance to put things right. So, take the plunge, if not for yourself, then for the next customer, and use these simple approaches to make your concerns heard without causing unnecessary offence.

Sooner rather than later

There’s nothing less convincing than a complaint made about food or a drink after you’ve already consumed it. If your coffee isn’t hot, your meal isn’t what you ordered, or something simply isn’t up to scratch, let the wait staff know as soon as you notice. If necessary, return the item to the counter or ask a staff member to take it back to the kitchen.

If you eat or drink everything and complain afterwards, staff may understandably question whether your concern is really about the quality of the meal or whether you’re hoping to secure a replacement for free. Raising the issue promptly gives the business a fair opportunity to fix the problem while it’s happening.

Address the problem, not the person

No one likes to be blamed, even when they’re clearly in the wrong, so don’t point the finger when you can refer directly to the issue. If, for example, you’ve received a fish meal when you ordered the vegetarian option, avoid saying to the wait staff, “You’ve brought me the wrong order.” Instead, try: “I ordered the vegetarian option, but I seem to have been given the fish.”

The difference is subtle, but it can make a big difference to how your complaint is received. You’re still clearly explaining what has gone wrong, without making the person in front of you feel personally attacked. This approach is particularly useful when the mistake may not have been theirs in the first place.

If a solution isn’t offered, suggest one

Not all wait staff are well trained in how to handle complaints, and some may simply not know what they’re authorised to do. If you’ve outlined the issue, such as, “My quiche is cold in the centre,” and no offer of a solution is made, suggest one yourself: “Would you please ask the kitchen to heat it through?”

Being specific can make it easier for staff to respond. Rather than simply saying, “This isn’t good enough,” explain what you would like to happen. You may find the problem is resolved much more quickly.

Easy does it

Kiwis can be so tentative about voicing a complaint that their concerns often go unheard. On the other hand, no one wants to be so abrupt they come across as rude. To soften your complaint while still making sure it’s taken seriously, phrase it as a polite request or question.

If the music is too loud, for example, try: “Any chance we could have the music turned down a little?” rather than, “The music’s so loud we can’t hear ourselves speak.”

The aim isn’t to apologise for having a legitimate concern or to minimise the problem. It’s simply to choose language which encourages the other person to help rather than immediately putting them on the defensive.

Minimise the debate

Good wait staff won’t argue with you, and management should take a genuine complaint seriously. However, if the conversation starts going around in circles, there’s no need to get drawn into a lengthy debate. You can calmly acknowledge what has been said while making it clear you’re still not satisfied. Try: “I hear what you’re saying, but I’m still not comfortable with the explanation.”

If you’re sure you’re in the right and the matter still isn’t being resolved, ask to speak to the manager or person responsible for handling complaints. It’s usually better to give the business a final opportunity to put things right before taking the matter elsewhere.

Give credit where it’s due

If a business responds well to your complaint, don’t be afraid to say so. A sincere “Thank you for sorting this out” costs nothing and acknowledges the effort made to resolve the problem. You might even consider updating an online review if you’ve already posted one.

A complaint doesn’t always have to end with a negative review. If a business listens, apologises and fixes the problem, that’s useful information for other customers, too. It also reinforces the idea raising a concern can be an opportunity for a business to improve rather than simply an attack on its reputation.

The nitty gritty

Nothing leaves a bad taste in a diner’s mouth more than an unresolved complaint. If you’ve voiced your concern politely, explained what you believe would be a reasonable solution, and still nothing is done to address it, ask: “What is your café’s or restaurant’s policy in situations like this?” This direct but polite question will often prompt staff to take the matter more seriously or involve someone with the authority to help. Although the outcome may not always be the one you’re hoping for, you’ll at least know you’ve given the business a fair chance to respond.

If the problem remains unresolved, you can consider your next step. This might mean making a formal complaint to head office if you’re dealing with a franchised business, contacting the relevant organisation or regulator if the issue involves health or safety, or leaving a factual and measured online review.

If you do post a review, stick to what actually happened and avoid personal attacks. A calm, accurate account is far more useful – and credible – than an angry rant. Remember, the goal of making a complaint isn’t necessarily to win an argument. It’s to have a genuine problem acknowledged and, where possible, put right.