When One Partner Retires First

Life’s not perfect, and unfortunately, few of us get the opportunity to retire at exactly the same time as our partners. While one partner is still-working, and the other is enjoying their longed-for ‘forever break,’ it’s understandable relationship problems can result. Whether you’re retiring before your partner, or it’s the other way round, take ten to check out the following potential hiccups so you can avoid them, and maintain a loving relationship until you’re both able to put your feet up.

Resentment

Work is hard, and it gets even harder the closer we move towards retirement. It can be difficult for the still-working half of a couple to watch their partner relaxing while they (the worker) is slogging away at their job, and resentment and jealousy, in even the most ‘together’ of couples, can quickly develop. To avoid it happening, be sure to let your still-working partner know your retirement income is as much theirs as yours, and furthermore, you want to shoulder more of the workload at home while they inch their way toward retirement and the same financial benefit. Tend, especially, to the little things, such as making their lunch, and giving them a coffee in bed before they head off to work. Pick them up when it’s raining, and have dinner on the table when they return home.

Money worries

In some ways, retirement is a little like ‘being on holiday full time,’ and we all know, during holiday periods, we tend to spend more on little luxuries. There’s the extra coffee with friends, more time to window shop or browse online, the treats for the grandies when you pick them up after school, and the exhibition or sports match you buy tickets for because you have time to attend. While this may excite the retiree, it’s likely their still-working partner is worrying over how extra discretionary spending is going to be budgeted for, especially now the collective income has taken a dip. It’s best to discuss a discretionary spending budget with your partner before you retire (and don’t expect your other half to bring it up, because it may be asking too much of one who is still-working).

Workload

It’s not uncommon for one person in a relationship to shoulder more of the household workload than another (even today, for example, research shows women spend more time on cleaning and meal preparation than men). Anger can soon build in a still-working partner when their retired other half appears to be enjoying the same level of domestic responsibility they did prior to retirement, while the ‘worker’ continues domestic chores at the same level as before. If you retire before your partner, be prepared to take a good chunk of their household workload off their shoulders, and most importantly, let them know well ahead of your retirement you plan to do this. In fact, ask them which tasks they’d like to relinquish to you, and take them on without complaint.

Inferiority

For many, their job, and the income it provides to the household, gives them a sense of dignity. Suddenly, with that income gone, they can feel dependent on their still-working partner for extras and little treats, and for some, this can feel demoralising. Some retirees may even feel they are no longer in a position to ‘care’ for their partners. If your partner is retiring before you, be sure to let them know you feel they deserve this time in their life, and you don’t resent them having it.

Play time

You run/walk/swim together. It’s something you’ve always done as a couple. It’s also when you do your catching up, your laughing, your emotional off-loading. It’s where you have fun and downtime together, and just relax into each other’s company. So, naturally, there’s real fear, for the still-working member of a couple, this special time is going to disappear once the retiree in the relationship has all the hours in the day to pound the pavement or head-to-the-pool or golf course. Before you retire ahead of your spouse, take time out to discuss which activities will still be your ‘special’ times together, and write them into your diaries.

Loneliness

For a partner whose hasn’t yet reached retirement, it can feel as though their retired other half has it all. But a recent retiree can find themselves going through a range of distressing emotions, from lack of self-esteem to plain old loneliness. Don’t assume your retired other half is necessarily living-the-dream simply because they don’t have to front up to work each day. Be sure to check in with them about how they’re spending their time, and if they’re finding retirement fulfilling or a burden.

Retirement is a two-person thing. Just because one half of a couple will be receiving super before the other, it affects you both in so many different ways. Regardless of who’s retiring and who’s still working, pay close attention to each other’s needs, and your relationship will be better for it.