Would you Take Early Retirement to Care for Another?

Early retirement sounds like a dream – but not when it’s forced upon you. Whether it’s because of restructuring, workplace bullying, accident, or personal health problems, saying goodbye to full time work before you expected to be leaving it, can come as a shock. Perhaps one of the most challenging reasons for an unexpected early retirement, is being called on to be the carer for the one you love, or feel responsible for. It may an elderly parent, your partner, or even a grandchild who needs you to retire prematurely, and when they do, you’ll either come to welcome the call as a rewarding opportunity, or view it as burden that just doesn’t feel fair.

Those who feel care-giving has pulled them away from careers they weren’t yet ready to give up, are often resentful, especially if they’re caring for someone, not out of love, but duty. They may feel robbed (emotionally and financially) of their own future; guilty they have little time for those they really do care for, and isolated from friends who are living a life free from carer duties. Others, however, say after the initial shock of early retirement, and all its implications, has abated, they find they have an overwhelming desire to care for the one they love with the same dedication and expertise they invested in their career. They re-evaluate their circumstances (financial and social), re-consider their values in life, and come to view their new role as a labour of love, and an opportunity to support their significant other as they know they would care for them if the shoe was on the other foot.

Whichever view you take of the call to retire early in order to care for another, you are likely to go through a number of stages as you consider the task before you. Early on, you can expect to experience a sense of denial the situation unfolding before you is real. After all, you planned carefully and responsibly for your retirement, so how can your plans have been derailed to this extent? Next, may come a sense of anger:– the ‘why me?’ and ‘It’s not fair!’ period. This is when you see your retirement savings, and retirement plans and dreams, going out the window, while all around you, your friends still have theirs. You may find yourself endlessly tossing up ‘options’ you know, in reality, aren’t realistic. Options such as: ‘Could I perhaps still work from home, work part-time, or take leave? After all, I might only be needed for a few weeks.’ The thought of giving up your retirement plans to become a caregiver can even leave you in a state of depression. After all, not only are you about to lose your job, but it’s quite possible your social circle will shrink, and your relationship with your loved one will change.

Despite all this, some people are able to find a sense of acceptance about what life has thrown them. They set new values and goals outside of their careers, and embrace their role of carer with love and compassion. If you can do this, you are more likely to settle into a challenging but rewarding routine. You will find a desire to help yourself so you are able to keep helping the one you care for. You will find ways to carve out time for yourself with the wise use of social services, volunteer agencies, and friends. You will look for opportunities for both you and the one you care for to retain friendships and make new connections. You may even decide it’s sensible to keep in touch with your career through online study opportunities and networking, in readiness for a time when you may be able to return to work.

If acceptance of your circumstances isn’t possible, the unfairness of having to retire early can leave you resentful and angry. Not only is this emotionally unhelpful to you, but it’s also a disaster in terms of your relationship with the person requiring care. In which case, the braver decision is to seek an alternative, even if it, at first, seems difficult. It may be you insist the burden you’re facing is shared by other family members (allowing you, for instance, to remain at work or to work part-time). You may decide professional agencies need to play more of a part in the caring, and seek out funding opportunities to allow you to employ others to help. If you are weighed down with guilt at having chosen your career over your expected carer role, you may want to seek out a counsellor who will help you navigate those feelings. By seeking out other avenues of support for the person who needs to be cared for, you free yourself to be of help to them in more genuine and compassionate ways.

The thought of taking early retirement to care for another is an opportunity for some, but for others it can feel like a ‘rest-of-life’ sentence. If you’re faced with the situation, do all you can to make the best choice, not only for the one you love, but for yourself.