After They’re Gone – An Onerous Task

Welcome to our 7-part series on winding up a home that’s not your own i.e. the home of a deceased person. We’ll be going in-depth as we cover everything from ‘how to find the time’ to ‘dealing with reactions from your loved one’s friends and family.’  But first, how does anyone find themselves in the very situation we’re talking about?

How did this happen to me?

While many of us have, or one day will, be responsible for winding up the home of a deceased loved one, its usually a job we share with others. In the case of a deceased parent, for example, there are often other siblings on whom we can count. Yet, there are many situations where brothers and sisters aren’t available because they live abroad or in a distant part of the country. It’s also possible siblings have pre-deceased or become estranged from our parent, or it may be we are an only child. It could also simply by a parent’s wishes are for only one child to manage their affairs after their death.

Some of us are left in the unenviable position of having to wind up the home of a close friend without family of their own, or who has chosen us, rather than their family, to do the job. Or we may be acting for someone who has chosen us as their enduring power of attorney. Whatever the circumstances, we are suddenly thrust, solo, into an unknown situation, and as the magnitude of the task ahead of us unfolds, we can be left in a considerable state of shock.

It’s up to me!

As we grow older, most of us struggle to find time to care for ourselves, our family, and our home. When we discover we’ve been elected to wind up the home of another, the task can seem overwhelming. While it’s all very well to assume there will be some financial assistance to help us with the task, it’s not always the case. Often, the deceased has no savings we can call on, or if there are any, we do not have access to them – either immediately, or in the future. Which means the ‘winding up’ is simply a labour of love. So much so, we may have to cover the fundamental necessities of the job (such as hiring a skip or a cleaner) ourselves. On top of this, we may be faced with animosity from those who feel the job of winding up the home should have been their responsibility, and we may be viewed as unwelcome intruders. Therefore, your very first job is to check out the legalities of your role.

Do’s and don’ts

Although you may have been asked by your family member or friend to wind up their home, it pays to understand the legalities of your situation. Making an appointment with the deceased’s lawyer should be your first step. It will help you to understand where your duties begin and end. For example, are you required to dispose of personal items only or are you also required to prepare the home for sale? In the case of dealing with personal items, are there stipulations in the deceased’s will as to specific individuals or organisations who are to receive them? Can you claim for the costs you will incur in winding up the home and its contents, and will receipts and invoices be required? Is there a legal time frame for completing the task? Are you required to keep family informed of your progress?

Liaising

Once you understand your legal situation, it can pay to consider your moral obligations. If family and friends have an interest in the contents of the home, it can be politic, as well as compassionate, to keep everyone in touch with your plans, and to update them from time to time with your progress. Let them know there will be an opportunity for them to express any wishes regarding personal items not explicitly bequeathed, and you will do your best to accommodate these. But as wishes from individuals may conflict with those of others, do not make any promises at this early stage. Above all, be understanding but also firm.

Finding support

Winding up a home is a serious responsibility, and you will require the support of others as you go about your task. Don’t be tempted to look for this support from those who have an interest in the deceased’s home or you face the risk of creating factions. Instead, confide in a trusted friend who has no connection with the estate – they will be your rock.

Winding up a home is a significant task, and while you may at first feel ‘honoured’ to have been entrusted with the task, the practical implications are many. Take your time to get used to the idea and to lay sound groundwork for the project ahead. It will stand you in good stead.