Fear of Ageing and How to Process it

Many of us have apprehensions about growing older – and that’s understandable. After all, who doesn’t sometimes wake in the middle of the night wondering how long their health will hold up, or how to cope if it doesn’t? When we hear a loose downpipe rattling in the wind, it’s not hard to start worrying about how we’ll manage to maintain our home when we can no longer safely climb a ladder. The concerns associated with growing older are many, and for some, they can even tip over into an abnormal fear of ageing, called ‘gerascophobia.’ But even for those whose growing-older concerns are within the bounds of ‘normal,’ the manageable anxiety can still be very real. Understanding where these concerns come from, and how to accept them, while also counteracting them, brings comfort to many.

Acknowledge the Reality

Ageing brings with it very real concerns. However, so does every stage of life. Yes, there are challenges with ageing – our body and even our mind, can fail to respond as we might want them to. We are more likely to lose loved ones, to become less independent, and to have to work harder in order to stay healthy and remain an active part of our community. But are these challenges any greater than those besetting teens who fear being rejected by their peers, who worry about their appearance, who wonder if they’ll get a job when they leave school or uni? Our concerns about ageing are certainly no greater than the concerns of a young couple who worry they will never own their own home, or wonder if they can afford to have a child. Or those of a working couple in their 50’s who fear being made redundant at a time when they are much less likely to be re-employed, and who struggle to simultaneously care for ageing parents and grandchildren. Putting our fears of ageing into perspective is helpful. While it doesn’t deny our concerns are real, it can de-escalate chronic worry, and remind us we have endured (and overcome) the challenges posed by other stages of our lives. In essence, we are resilient!

Re-frame the game!

In many ways, fear is a game our mind plays with us.  It tells us only one side of a two sided story – because ageing has just as many, if not more, positives than negatives. The wisdom we lacked as an angst-ridden teen, we now have in abundance and will help us to make good decisions as we plan for the future. Age also brings with it a personal perspective younger people lack so by the time we are seniors, we have learned what is really important in life. We know what we can afford to let go in order to hold onto what is important. The drainpipe rattling in the wind can be repaired by someone else – but only we can attend to repairing an unhealthy relationship with an adult child. Ageing also brings with it a very significant plus – one we may not have enjoyed fully at any other stage of our life – freedom. The sort that comes with time, and the guarantee of a regular income (however small it might feel) we no longer have to earn. This freedom can be empowering – it can enable us to mix more with others, contribute more to our community, take greater care of our family and ourselves, and give us space to enjoy hobbies and holidaying in a way we never could before.

Our concerns about growing older are very real, but they should not overshadow the positives that come with ageing. If they do, talk about your fears with friends you trust, and if necessary, with professionals who are trained to listen and help.