Joke of the Day

Years ago a group of three British soldiers on their first service duty in India were preparing for their first leave.

The Sergeant Major called them in and said “Right you lot, three things: Don’t eat the market food, don’t socialise with the women in the Red Light District and beware of the Mamba Snake.”

“What’s a Mamba Snake?” they asked.

“The Mamba Snake is a long snake with black and yellow stripes. One bite and you will die in 30 seconds. If you confront one you must grab it by the tail, run your thumb firmly up its underbelly to its jaw. This will break its jaw and force the snake to bite itself. However, the best defence is to run away.”

A few days later the Sergeant Major was visiting the infirmary and saw the three soldiers.

“What happened to you?” he asked one of them.

“I ate the local food, now I have shocking dysentery and can’t keep anything down”, the soldier replied.

“And you?” he asked the second.

“Local women Sarge. So beautiful but now my old chap is swollen and burning with pain.”

The Sergeant Major looked at the third, who was bandaged from head to food.

“Good Lord” he said “what happened to you?

“Well Sarge, I was walking through the market and near an alley some children were playing. Then I saw, poking out of the corner of the alley, the black and yellow tail of a Mamba Snake. I was frightened for the children so I raced over, grabbed the tail and ran my thumb firmly up the underside. And there I was sarge, my thumb up the arse of the biggest Bengal Tiger you’ve ever seen.”