The relationship between grandparents and grandchildren is often full of warmth, joy, and a desire to make time together feel special. For many grandparents, food becomes part of that expression of love — lollies tucked into pockets, takeaway dinners, sweet snacks offered with a smile. These gestures usually come from the best intentions. Still, it is worth pausing to consider what repeated food-based treating teaches children, how it affects parents, and whether there are other ways love can be shown just as powerfully. This is not about eliminating treats or criticising how families show love, but about understanding how repeated habits can shape children’s relationships with food and with each other.
The Health Side: More Than Just the Obvious Treats
Sugary and highly processed foods affect more than just teeth and waistlines. Regular consumption can contribute to energy crashes, mood swings, dental problems, and long-term health risks such as obesity and type 2 diabetes. What often catches families off guard is hidden sugar. Foods that appear wholesome — flavoured yoghurts, fruit juices, muffins, snack bars, and many breakfast cereals — can contain as much sugar as a dessert.
While the occasional indulgence is not harmful on its own, frequent exposure can normalise sweet flavours and reduce a child’s appetite for everyday nutritious foods. Over time, this shapes preferences in ways difficult to undo.
When Treats Become the “Fun Role”
Many grandparents genuinely want to make their limited time with grandchildren feel special. Treats can seem like the quickest, most concrete way to do this and often happens without conscious thought. A sugary snack becomes shorthand for joy, generosity, and love.
Parents, however, may be working hard to teach their children about nourishing their bodies, eating balanced meals, and understanding not all foods are everyday foods. When grandparents consistently take on the “fun treat” role, parents can feel frustrated, under-appreciated, or sidelined in their own efforts. Over time, this can create a sense their guidance is being quietly overridden.
This tension rarely comes from ill intent. Both parents and grandparents care deeply about the child. The disconnect lies in how care is expressed.
“But They Only See Me Once a Month”
A common internal response from grandparents is, “They only come around occasionally, so it doesn’t matter.” Frequency, however, is not just about how often children visit. It is about consistency. Even if a child sees a grandparent once a month, if every visit includes lollies or takeaway, a pattern still forms.
Children are excellent pattern-makers. They quickly learn to associate certain people with certain experiences. Over time, a child may come to associate Grandma with sweets rather than warmth, attention, or connection. The love is still there, but the strongest memory becomes the treat.
The Psychology Behind Treating
Several psychological factors often sit beneath these habits:
The indulgent identity: Many grandparents unconsciously adopt the role of the “spoiler.” This distinguishes their relationship from parents, who are responsible for rules and routines.
Food as symbolic love: From infancy, food is tied to comfort and care. Offering treats feels nurturing because it is immediate and tangible.
Unconscious repetition: Patterns form easily. Once treats become part of a visit, they can happen automatically without reflection.
Nostalgia and changing knowledge: Some grandparents replicate the indulgences they remember from their own childhoods. What has changed is our understanding. Research now clearly shows how sugar, ultra-processed foods, and emotional eating affect long-term health, mood, and behaviour.
Understanding these motivations allows space for change without blame.
Long-Term Habits: Comfort and Emotional Eating
One of the most overlooked impacts of frequent treating is the emotional lesson it teaches. When food is repeatedly used to celebrate, soothe, or reward, children may learn to reach for food in moments of stress or sadness later in life. This does not guarantee emotional eating in adulthood, but early associations matter. Habits formed in childhood often echo well beyond it.
Why Parents May Feel Boxed In
Parents do sometimes offer treats. The issue arises when grandparents’ treating leaves parents with little room to make those choices themselves. If children spend weekends with grandparents where sweets or takeaway are routine, parents may feel unable to offer an occasional treat before or after without tipping into excess.
This can leave parents feeling powerless, as though their role in guiding their child’s relationship with food has been quietly eroded. Over time, this strain can affect family relationships, not just eating habits.
When Presence Is Enough
Children thrive on attention, presence, and shared experiences. Storytelling, crafts, board games, baking together, trips to the park, or simply uninterrupted time communicate love clearly and deeply. When children feel seen and engaged, there is no need for food to carry the emotional weight.
Food-based activities can still be joyful without relying on sugar. Decorating fruit kebabs, making smoothies, or assembling homemade pizzas with vegetables keeps the fun while supporting healthy habits.
Using the Fun Factor Without Food
Excitement does not need to come wrapped in sugar. Stickers, small games, craft supplies, outdoor adventures, or special routines can all create anticipation and joy. These experiences teach children love, connection, and fun come from time together, not from treats.
A Gentle Reframe
Grandparents play an incredibly important role in children’s lives. Showing love through presence, curiosity, patience, and shared joy supports both emotional wellbeing and long-term health. Treats can still exist, but they do not need to lead the relationship.
Children are enough without sugar. They do not need to be rewarded to be loved. When families align around this idea, everyone benefits — especially the children.
Love does not need to be edible. It just needs to be felt.
What helped you feel loved as a child — and what do you hope your grandchildren remember?
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