Bullying

There is such a lot of bullying happening that there is a fair chance your child will experience it at some stage during their childhood.  That’s very sad. What is perhaps even sadder, and much more embarrassing, is that it may be our children that are doing the bullying. I mean, if there is so much bullying out there, it follows that there must be a lot of bullies, and each bully is someone’s child…. Could it be my child? It might.

One thing that makes that bitter pill slightly easier to swallow is that bullies usually aren’t wicked, evil children – they are just kids who need to learn a better way to get what they really need and want . That’s what childhood is all about: making mistakes and getting trained to make better choices. That’s why kids need parents and teachers – to coach them towards better behaviour.

From their perspective, it seems to deliver what every child wants: respect and acceptance by a group. It is up to us to give them a more mature perspective: bullying get’s us in trouble, it causes a lot of pain and, ultimately, it doesn’t work. It usually only generates fear rather than true respect. 

If it turns out your child is a bully, then it is appropriate that they experience penalties from the school and from yourself. But let them know, even as you are telling them off, that the real reason you are upset with them is not because they are bad but because they are good – and that you know that they can behave so much better than that. The behaviour is completely unacceptable, but they are always acceptable. That little trick of separating the child from the behaviour in your head is one of the key ways you can get through tricky patches in parenting and still stay on side with your kids.

There’s lots more to say about bullying. For more, check out TheParentingPlace.com