People often wonder if it is appropriate to have children at weddings and funerals. First up, I want to say that well behaved kids will probably be welcome anywhere, but how do you teach them to behave appropriately?
The late Queen Mother, when asked the most important thing to teach a child, replied, “Manners, my dear, because manners will get you through anything.” So general good manners are a great start but kids also need to learn how things are ‘done’ in formal situations.
Even small children can be coached to behave appropriately. The biggest key is to give out the ‘vibes’ that this time is solemn and serious. Let your children know what is going to happen, and why, beforehand. More importantly, explain to them how people will be feeling, especially if it is a funeral. Sit near the front. This may seem contrary to your normal instincts, but it helps if your children can see what’s going on and stay interested. However, ensure you are also close to an exit – just in case.
At weddings, involve your child in some way if you can – perhaps they could present flowers to the bride outside the service, blow bubbles or pass out the cake.
If you have young children, pack a bag with small toys, books, snacks in small containers or a new ‘quiet toy’ that you have bought for the occasion. Drums, squeaky toys, trumpets and Darth Vader light sabres may reduce the chances of you ever getting invited to another family event!
You won’t hear this from real parenting gurus but bribes work! “If you can sit quietly I’ll give you a treat.” So can the gentle threat, “If you make any noise, the minister will have to start his talk again right from the beginning.” That would have shut me up!
Realise, sometimes you should just cut and run. They are the light of your life but are they annoying everyone else? A crying child can disturb an event a family has spent many hours planning in detail. In some situations, noisy children are like good intentions: they must be carried out.
airj73193 - 9 years ago
I agree children need to know what is going on and a simple explanation can be made to a child about a funeral and what is happening. When i was achild my friend’s brother died and I remember my mum stayong at home to take care of my friend and I we were never told whwt happened to him. I recently found a picture of him in my late mum’s possessions and still wonder.
On a lighter note my 3 year old grandson was a ringbearer at a wedding and was overcome with nerves and refused to give up the rings. Luckily the best man stepped forward and all was well.