Viral Terror

There’s been a viral video making the rounds which shows a man conducting what he calls a social experiment in playgrounds and parks. He asks mothers who are watching their young children whether they think their children would go off with a stranger. Invariably, the mothers are certain that their children would never do that. The film-maker then approaches each child while they are playing, engages with the child, lets them play with his puppy and then asks if the child would like to see more puppies.  Every child happily goes off with the stranger while the mothers watch aghast.

The reactions to this video have been, typically, shock and horror that children would be so vulnerable to paedophiles and abductors. The film-maker adds to the fear by pointing out that there are a quarter of a million abductions of children in the United States every year. I am sure that many, many parents will be drawing their children close and keeping them on a tight anxious rein because of this video.

But here is the thing: when I checked the statistics, the filmmaker was right: in a recent year there had been a quarter of million abductions, but the vast majority of them were by a parent – an estranged mother or father who did not have custody. The rest were by family members, people known to the family, baby sitters and so on. Only 115 abductions in the whole year – less than 1 to 2000  –  were your classic, stereotypic abductions where a total stranger walks off with a child in a park or shopping mall.

As parents, of course we fear for our children’s safety. In the absence of anything to base our reasoning on, we rely on anecdotes and stories. Yes, we have heard stories of children being abducted by strangers. I know a family where it happened and, believe me, it was genuinely a terrible, terrible tragedy. But when we do learn the reality of risks, the actual size of danger, we need to re-evaluate our behaviour. So … what do we do? It is still appropriate to have some caution. In the same way that it is still appropriate to put on our seat belts in planes even though accidents are incredibly rare, we should still watch our children. We supervise them and guard them because, as well as possible abductors, there are other potential dangers: accidents, dogs and other children who can be rough and cruel. And we give them rules. But make sure they are sensible. I like the rule, you can talk to everyone but you cannot go with anyone.  Other adults, even total strangers, are far more likely to be a source of help and safety for our children than a risk. I think it is fine for children to relate to people, even adults they do not know, in a park. But they are not to go with them.

There is a risk to our children of abuse and abduction and we need to be realistic: it is our wider family and other people we let in our home. That is such a painful thought, no wonder we would rather think the dangers lie with strangers in the park.