Grandparents and The Talk

When I was growing up, there wasn’t a lot of talk about sex in our house, other than off-colour jokes during dinner parties after the kids had gone to bed. We heard them of course, but never really understood.

As a teenager, the only message I really got was ‘don’t,’ but even that was mostly an assumption, rather than a direct instruction.

So, the proverbial really did hit the fan when my parents found I’d made up my own mind. How the instructions started then!

As a parent myself now, I understand their consternation. What I remember most however, is my eminently sensible grandmother talking to me. She was incurably English and extremely proper, which made her advice all the more shocking. She thought sex was lovely, done properly and with the right person. She was all for it! To this day, I appreciate how brave and generous she was with her advice.

The war years had been different, she explained, and then proceeded to really talk to me about sex, openly and honestly, the good and the bad, much to the continued consternation of my parents. My mother seemed most puzzled, given that the same woman had imparted such a different story to her!

It got me thinking. How will I talk about sex with my own children? What is the impression I want to leave them with and what part will their grandparents have in the discussion?

Personally I feel that the more open we can be, the better (an an appropriate age). Children ask all kinds of questions, and we should be careful to understand exactly what they are asking before we launch into ’The Talk.’ “Where did I come from?” may sometimes just mean, “was I born in a hospital? Am I part of two countries? or “Am I adopted (as my big brother just whispered to me)?”

Grandparents have their own experiences and, so long as the parents are consulted, should be free to talk about them, should the matter arise.

Let kids be kids, but when the time comes to talk about sex, let’s be grown up about it and not fumble and blush. Let’s be clear. Let’s explain the mechanics, but also explain what it means, what the stakes are and how wonderful it should be, rather than only focusing on the 'do' or ‘don’t.’