Stupid people should wear signs. Do you need one?
Stupid people should have to wear signs that just say, "I'm Stupid." That way you wouldn't rely on them, would you? You wouldn't ask them anything. It would be like, "Excuse me… oops, never mind. Didn't see your sign."
It's like before my wife and I moved. Our house was full of boxes and there was a Ridgeways truck in our driveway. My neighbour comes over and says, "Hey, you moving?" "Nope. We just pack our stuff up once or twice a week to see how many boxes it takes. Here's your sign."
A couple of months ago I went fishing with a mate of mine, we pulled his boat into the ramp, I lifted up this big whiting and this idiot on the ramp goes, "Hey, you catch all them fish?" "Nope. Talked 'em into giving up. Here's your sign."
I was watching one of those animal shows on the Discovery Channel. There was a guy inventing a shark bite suit. And there's only one way to test it. "Alright Jimmy, you got that shark suit on, it looks good… They want you to jump into this pool of sharks, and you tell us if it hurts when they bite you." "Well, all right, but hold my sign. I don't wanna lose it".
Last time I had a flat tyre, I pulled my car into a gas station. The attendant walks out, looks at my car, looks at me, and I SWEAR he said, "Tyre go flat?" I couldn't resist. I said, "Nope. I was driving around and those other three just swelled up on me. Here's your sign."
We were trying to sell our car about a year ago. A guy came over to the house and drove the car around for about 45 minutes. We get back to the house; he gets out of the car, reaches down and grabs the exhaust pipe, then says, "Damn, that's hot!" See? If he'd been wearing his sign, I could have stopped him.
I learned to drive an 18-wheeler in my days of adventure. Wouldn't you know I misjudged the height of a bridge? The truck got stuck and I couldn't get it out no matter how I tried. I radioed in for help and eventually a local cop shows up to take the report. He went through his basic questioning…ok…no problem. I thought sure he was clear of needing a sign…until he asked, "So, is your truck stuck?" I couldn't help myself! I looked at him, looked back at the rig and then back to him and said "No, I'm delivering a bridge… here's your sign."
I stayed late at work one night and a co-worker looked at me and said "Are you still here?" I replied, "No. I left about 10 minutes ago. Here's your sign."
Anybody you know need a sign today?
Women know their place
A point of view… Barbara Walters of Television's 20/20 did a story on gender roles in Kabul, Afghanistan, several years before the Afghan conflict. She noted that women customarily walked 5 paces behind their husbands.
She recently returned to Kabul and observed that women still walk behind their husbands. From Miss Walter's vantage point, despite the overthrow of the oppressive Taliban regime, the women now seem to walk even further back behind their husbands and are happy to maintain the old custom.
Miss Walters approached one of the Afghani women and asked, "Why do you now seem happy with the old custom that you once tried so desperately to change?"
The woman looked Miss Walters straight in the eyes and without hesitation said, "Land Mines."
Moral of the story: behind every man is a smart woman.
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North Shore Barbie:
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