Living alone isn’t for the faint hearted – especially not for those doing it for the first time – and one of the greatest contributors to the challenge is loneliness. ‘Loneliness’ can be a difficult problem to address in that multiple reasons contribute to it. However, when we break loneliness down into its components, two issues stand out. They are a reduction in pleasurable anticipation, and a lack of change in our home surroundings.
When we live with a companionable other, pleasurable anticipation comes throughout the day in small myriad, but significant, ways. We look forward to our partner being home when we return to the house; we delight in making them a cup of coffee, anticipating how they will enjoy it; we look forward to settling down in the evening together to watch a movie.
While we may sometimes grumble about our partner’s messy ways, and the fact the car keys haven’t been returned to their hanger, and we can never find the newspaper, the presence of another in the home also creates welcome change in our surroundings. A partner may bring home a new book from the library which stirs our own interest, or come back from the hair salon with a new style we notice immediately. They may be working on a project in the garden or some maintenance on the home that we follow on a daily basis. But when we live alone, our home environment remains static, and the only changes to our surroundings are those we make ourselves.
Bringing pleasurable anticipation and enjoyable change back into our home while living alone, isn’t difficult, but it is up to us to make it happen. We can build anticipation or ‘look forward to something’ in our lives by beginning an ongoing project, so we think about it even when we take a break from working on it. A challenging (and beautiful or interesting) jigsaw which takes several days to complete will occupy our thoughts long after we’ve stopped working on it for the day. A piece of hand work, such as knitting or carving, will have the same affect. One of the best anticipatory projects is to learn a new skill where we can take interest in measuring our improvement in a tangible way. It might be learning a new piece of music until we can play it well, or improving fitness to the point where we can take part in an event. Redecorating a room will see us anticipating pleasure, too, as we think about the next step and look forward to the final result. In the same way, picking up a cook book from the library, and making a commitment to try out a new meal from it each week, will excite the same anticipation. On a domestic level, even the very simplest activities such as setting the heat pump to turn on automatically when you arrive home late on a cold night, or occasionally spoiling ourselves with a treat such as an upmarket brand of hand lotion, can have us anticipating something pleasurable. No ‘trick’ is too small to test out.
When it comes to making your home a dynamic living space where change is always creating interest, there are ways to make it happen. One of the simplest (even if you are not a gardener) is to plant a pot with seasonal bulbs. We tend to think of bulbs as providing spring blooms only, but there are those that bloom in summer and autumn. A potted columnar (straight and narrow) fruit tree on your balcony will bring change into your home, from new leaf buds to blossom, fruit, and pretty falling leaves. A few microgreens in a container on the kitchen window ledge will stir your surroundings into life, and a bird feeder outside your window will act as a living, moving symphony that changes with the seasons. On a different level altogether, is the acquisition of a companion animal – they will bring your home to life with their playfulness, desire for attention, and giving of affection.
As well as using living things to keep your environment changing, the occasional piece of redecorating can provide mental ‘company.’ Pop a new cushion on the sofa, rearrange the furniture, change the colour of a wall, choose a pretty table cloth, or light a scented candle.
We all need human company, but when living alone, we can stave off loneliness by having little daily pleasures to look forward to, and a home that feels lived in.
Jeffrey Wallace - 4 months ago
Looking to meet up with a friend.