A Gentle Guide to one of life’s great traumas

THE ABANDONED WIVES HANDBOOK

Why did I write this little book?

Having been an abandoned wife myself, I know how deep the pain goes.

I also know, unless people have been through the same trauma themselves, they can never understand just how awful it is. How hard it is to pull yourself together and get your life back on track.

So, four years on, once the rawness and shock of my abandonment had subsided, I realised perhaps my experience could help other women. To know I have survived and even flourished, despite being dumped unceremoniously by my husband of 26 years, at the age of 67.

I have now become the woman I was always meant to be…. a strong, resilient survivor!

I purposely made this into a small pocket sized book, something to be popped into a handbag or pocket and dipped into whenever needed.

It is not really a self-help book, more like a dictionary of distress, something to empathise and comfort, rather than instruct you how to behave.

Each chapter is divided into letters of the alphabet, so it is easy reading, something you appreciate at a time when you are probably struggling to even get out of bed and face the world every day.

A few quotes from the book:

“HELPLESS”

“You will probably feel helpless. All the certainty has gone from your life. Everything will change. The relationship you relied on is over. Suddenly you feel completely helpless.

But please try to hang in there. You are worth so much more than this feeling of utter despair and helplessness. 

It will pass, and one day, you will look back at this awful time and realise just how strong you are.”

“EXCEPTIONAL”

“At the moment, exceptional is probably the last thing you are feeling. You have been dumped, deserted, and told you are not worth living with anymore.

This is so incredibly hurtful and damaging. Even the strongest, most confident person would buckle under that pain.

But you are exceptional.

Once these horrible dark days are over, you will bounce back.

Without him, you will become the person you were always meant to be, a strong, fabulous  and exceptional woman.”

“HUGS”

“Hugs can never be underestimated. Sometimes they were all that got me through those difficult dark days. Just knowing that someone cared.”

“CONCERNED”

“Everyone who cares about you will be concerned.

Concerned about your welfare, your state of mind and your possible new habits of staying up all night drinking wine and eating chocolate!”

“EMBRACE”

“Try to embrace every day.

I know that is easier said than done, especially when you are feeling so sad and drained.

It is so hard to be optimistic, to look forward to the future, when your future has been so cruelly snatched away from you.

But embracing your new future is the only way to get through this. It will take time. Please don’t try to rush it. You can’t change the whole course of your life without suffering.

You will undoubtedly experience great sadness and sorrow, anger and regret.

This is very normal.

Although this little book was difficult to write, nothing like as easy as the historical family sagas, memoirs and travel books I usually publish, in a way it is the one I am most proud of.

Without going through the trauma of abandonment, I would probably never have become an author, never have achieved the life I was meant to.

If my experience and this little book, helps just one woman, I will have achieved my aim.

Pat Backley.

Website: www.patbackley.com