How to reclaim the power from draining people & situations

From your workplace to the family birthday party, draining people and situations are impossible to escape. They engulf you in a bubble of negativity and quite literally suck the energy out of you. The result? You feel exhausted, downbeat and utterly drained.

Don’t worry, we’ve all been there…

You’re flying high, then all of a sudden you get a call from a friend in need. After chatting for an hour, you feel like throwing yourself off a bridge. Or how about this? You get to work in high spirits, then have an argument with your boss and let it ruin your entire day, right through to the romantic dinner plans you had with your partner.

While it can sometimes seem like there’s no solution to these sorts of problems, you don’t have to let yourself deteriorate. No, you can’t simply make a person or situation disappear. But there are some effective ‘self-defence’ strategies you can use to make coping a little easier.

Give yourself permission to feel

Whatever the scenario, it’s important to give yourself permission to feel and acknowledge your emotions. Often, having a good cry for 10 minutes is far more effective than bottling up your tears all day. Acknowledgement is an important part of metabolising your emotions, and processing any anger, frustration or sadness that you might feel.

Ground yourself

When it comes to maintaining a sense of inner calm, yoga and meditation are incredibly powerful mediums. And nope, you don’t have to be an ultra-bendy twenty-something-year-old in skin tight leggings and a crop top. Yoga and meditation are for everyone, so don’t be intimated to give it a go.

Don’t get caught up in the story

One of the oldest tricks in the self-defence book is not to get caught up in the story. If you constantly analyse every little thing that has led to a situation, you’ll find yourself caught in a never-ending cycle of destruction. Instead, take the immediate situation for what it is, and leave it at that.

Don’t get drawn in

Negative people and situations can be all consuming. To the point where even if you’re not personally involved, you still feel deeply invested. Rather than let yourself be drawn in, accept that the problems aren’t your own. Say you have a draining friend that’s continually asking you for guidance and advice. Instead of letting their problems become your own, say something like “I understand this must be hard, but ultimately the only person who knows the situation inside out is you. So, I’m confident that with time, you’ll find the right path all on your own.” Remember, you can be firm and empathic at the same time.

Take care of yourself

If someone you love is suffering, it’s impossible not to feel their pain. But as well as reaching out and being supportive, it’s also hugely important to take care of yourself. If you become consumed by an issue or a person, you’ll eventually start to deteriorate yourself. Whether it’s treating yourself to a pedicure, cooking a nice dinner or booking that holiday you’ve been daydreaming off, don’t be scared to take care of yourself. And when you do, you should absolutely not feel guilty about it.

Timeout

Say your neighbours have a barking dog that drives you nuts. You meet your friends for lunch on the weekend and find yourself ranting for an hour about its incessant barking. It may make you feel better to vent, but ultimately this kind of behaviour is destructive. Instead, push it to the back of your mind and enjoy the now.

Stop asking questions, and start making statements

Draining people can be impossible to argue or reason with, which means if you try and make a point you simply end up going around and around in circles. Rather than waste your time and energy arguing with someone, try simply making statements and leave it at that.

Draw up boundaries, and stick to them

Say your twenty-something-year-old son is continually asking you for money, to the point where it’s having an impact on your own life. As a parent, you feel like it’s your responsibility to help him out. In this case, you need to draw up boundaries and stick to them. Lay out your terms, and make it very clear that things have to change. Whether it’s a complete cut-off or a limit of $100 a week, be very strict about not giving in. Ultimately, the ‘cruel to be kind’ approach is sometimes what it takes to reclaim your power.

Walk away

We’re the first to admit that sometimes, walking away isn’t quite as simple as it sounds. But in some cases, it is. No, you can’t simply ‘walk away’ from a loved one. But if it’s a colleague or acquaintance, walking away can be a surprisingly easy fix. Say you’ve gone out for a coffee with a woman you met at the tennis club. You sit down, and she spends the entire hour talking about herself and her problems. You try to sympathise, but eventually, her negativity is all-consuming. In this case, you’re not obliged to see her again and reclaiming your power can be as simple as saying you’re busy next time she invites you out.

Radiate compassion

In many cases, draining people and situations can be impossible to escape. Whether it’s a best friend in need, a depressed husband or a tiresome child, sometimes all you can do is endure. If this is the case, try to search deep inside yourself and find as much compassion as you can. Don’t let yourself be consumed by their problems, but do envelop them in compassion. It’s an incredibly powerful energy and will not only protect you from being drained but will also help lift up the person in question.

Beyond money, power and possessions, positive energy is a precious commodity. And there’s absolutely no reason why you should be wasting your glow on people or situations that steal it from you. So, next time you feel yourself descending into a spiral of negativity, try using some of these techniques and watch yourself become lighter, brighter and empowered.