I do not think it matters what age a person is when they pass away, losing someone we love is always hard. It takes time for it to register; it takes time for us to sort through our emotions. We all have to suffer loss in our lives and it is hard. I do not think we are ever really prepared for it.
I had to fly to Sydney with my husband for my mother-in-law's funeral. She was ninety years old. A great age indeed but sadly the last twelve years or so had been a struggle for her with a number of health issues.
Sitting in the chapel, tears flowed freely down the faces of all her family. Each one of us had our own special memories of this special lady. It was wonderful to see the love everyone felt for her and I hope that in some way she could feel that.
I have been reflecting on mortality and how life is indeed fragile. We cannot afford to take it for granted, as we do not know when it will be our turn.
Sadly, I heard of two very young people who had lost their fight for life. One a little nine-year-old girl who has lost her battle with cancer. The other, a young woman who felt life was too hard. Both these situations had to be terribly hard on the people left behind.
For me, I struggle to get my head around the idea of children suffering with terrible illnesses like cancer. Their lives are cut so short – why should it be taken from them in such an unforgiving way?
It really is important to take the time to look at our lives at times like this and work out what is important to us and what is not. Material things can always be replaced, human beings cannot.
We do seem to be so preoccupied with what we need and expect from life and we do not actually take the time to question whether we really need these external things.
Of course, it is only human nature to want to better ourselves and improve our lives but at some point, we must be contented with what we have.
How often do we take the time to tell the people around us how important they are and how much they mean to us? It is vital to do this as often as we can in case we miss the opportunity altogether.
Mourning a loved one is a perfectly natural thing to do and it helps us with the grieving process. If we do not allow ourselves to grieve, we cannot move on and we cannot let ourselves enjoy memories properly.
Memories of our loved ones are so precious. I personally love looking over old photos and reminiscing about 'days gone by'.
In summing up, these are the words the celebrant said at my mother in laws funeral, I believe I am correct is saying it is an Island belief.
As the canoe is pushed out into the sea with the loved one on board, family and friends wave farewell. Cries from the family can be heard for the canoe to come back to shore, but the person keeps paddling and does not look back. They keep paddling until they see a beautiful island where they can rest. The person in the canoe is now at peace and has reached paradise.
How beautifully perfect.
By Kay Rayner
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