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Welcome Muzza back! Read his latest column here.

What got me going this week…

Tuesday 4th October 2011

What an amazing few weeks it’s been, doesn’t it make you proud to be a kiwi, its rugby and league all the way. Here in Auckland its sen-bloody-sational, the Cloud and Shed 10 just rock, the opening night wasn’t the fiasco the media made it out to be, I was there with some friends and had a very comfy time.

Since then we .have been down to watch a few games and found the atmosphere warm vibrant and above all friendly, everyone chats to one another, even had people who remembered me from my radio days or should that be Daze:),if you haven’t been down yet rattle your dags and visit it. The real excitement really begins this week folks.

I must congratulate my boys in the Warriors what a magnificent end to their 2011 season. The Grand final, if you believe in prayers get down on your knees now and send out the best vibes you can. I for one will be right there in front of the TV on Sunday October 2nd.

I must say I am enjoying the X-Factor on TV3, some amazing and quite "unamazin" talent is surfacing.  I feel the judges are being a bit NICE, but hopefully that will change, even Simon Cowell is throwing round the compliments.

Gee there are some great new talents out and about these days, one of my personal favourites is a UK based  singer her Name is Adele, and she has even cracked the US market with songs like Chasing pavements and Someone Like you. I urge you, to check her out.

The only thing that has ruined my week this week, is the news from TV Dumb. The boss at this  channel has decided to move Coro St to a 5.30pm slot from October the 17th replacing it with another Cooking show (DOES THIS COUNTRY HAVE AN OBESITY PROBLEM? YOU BET YOUR SWEET BIPPY WE DO:) The powers that be at TV1 say they will review ratings after MasterChef Lithuania is over ,well I just checked TV Guide and Coro is at Number 6 on the Top 10 List, of course the programmers will throw out have the usual reply, oh that’s not in the important 25 to 45 yr old demographics B S. Anyway if like me you are a fan let TVNZ know you are not happy.

I must say that Devonport is great  place, I travel over every day on The Ferry and have found some great wee places, Dida's which is right next door to the Victoria Picture Palace is pumping, and if you want some good sushi check out my mates at Archers Sushi just two doors up from our Glass Studio on Devonport wharf, or as we prefer to say "the Ferry terminal":)

By the way if you want to hear a bit of Muzza fun you still can, if you are online, check out www.theflea.co.nz or 88.2FM if you live in Devonport or 107.1fm in Takapuna and Devonport and along Tamaki Drive. We are a community station, so not in competition with the big guys. But I am enjoying picking my own music between Midday and Five each weekday

Ok enjoy the week and I will endeavour to get more columns online from now on.

Put on the coffee bubbles!

Thursday 9th June 2011

Well it’s been some time in our on again off again blog relationship, or as they say a long time between drinks, that certainly is true in my case I don't think I have had a drink for at least four or five months, though I have never really been a great drinker.  I am a cheap boozing partner at the best of times; just ask any of my friends.

It’s interesting to see the work being done on the Auckland waterfront in preparation for the World Cup at present. I catch the Fullers Ferry to Devonport each weekday and am intrigued by the progress on the cloud or as I heard some Australians say the Long White Cloud, it’s an interesting idea and I trust it will serve its purpose well. I have one suggestion, put up a large sign saying exactly what its purpose is as every day I hear tourists asking what that white thing is on the wharf.

Have you been watching Dowton Abbey on Prime? It’s brilliantly made, even more so with the hilarious lines delivered superbly by Maggie Smith as the Dowager Duchess /Aunt etc. Tonight she swallowed her pride and had her hair put up to announce the winner of the best bloom contest. If you haven’t seen it, watch for it Tuesday evenings at 8.30 on Prime. I am watching it as I write this and some very plain gal is ruminating on the fact that who loves last loves longest, I thought that was laughs longest but that just goes to show doesn’t it 🙂

Sympathies to all my mates in Christchurch who suffered yet another shake at the weekend, one of my dearest friends tells me she is so over the tremors and just wants life to return to normal so she can enjoy her life and her career at the City Art gallery. I know all our prayers and thoughts are with everyone down there. It’s also good to see and hear CTV is back on air, I caught some programming over the weekend on Maori Television, it was good to see a promo for Robs country and a Fred Astaire movie called the Royal Wedding, you go for it CTV.

I was amused to watch the pompous speaker of the House Lockwood Smith in action last night. The MP for Dunedin fronted up in the house wearing the old Highlanders strip, mirroring her voters dissatisfaction with the new Green strip. But locky wocky took umbrage and ordered the poor damsel off the island. Relax Lockwood you only got the speakers seat because they didn't know what else to do with you I mean minister of dreariness and pomposity is hardly a portfolio worth writing home to Mother about. Which reminds me  we all watched Coro and Gayle’s umpteenth wedding, obviously times are tough, in her household I mean to say wearing a shower curtain as a wedding dress shows imagination in the face of adversity. Though it did manage to hold that receding chin up.

Anyway So much has happened, so little time to talk about it…this  whole sorry turn of events in my life ran its course  round twelve months ago this coming August and  I have seen no sign of a relapse in fact I am sleeping well and thoroughly enjoying life for the first time in about 10years.  One day my book will explain the entire situation what led up to it and I'll talk about my 47 years in radio the people I have met and the respect I have gained both here and in Australia.  I am on a pension now, as I turned 68 on May12.  And  I am doing voluntary work on The Flea, a community radio station serving Devonport, Takapuna and Milford and it can also be heard on Tamaki Drive  and you can hear it on www.theflea.co.nz I host the afternoon show between midday and four.  I pick all the music myself and if you are ever over Devonport way drop in and say "Hi", you can’t miss us as the studio is slap dab in the middle of the Devonport Ferry terminal.

Did you catch the interview with several Maori MP's on Campbell live tonight re their visit to the Destiny Church over Queens Birthday weekend? For once I feel that Hone Harawira acquitted himself reasonably well, the same can’t be said for the overweight Tau Henare and multi-chinned Shane Jones, who between them managed to dodge every question John Campbell put to them, they as can be expected used all those old tricks which they must have learnt at the Michael Laws school of putdowns. And as for the clutch cargo look-like, Mr someone or other Dixon he obviously graduated with full honours from the laws school of put downs also, he is either a really dry comedian or a staunch misogynist who completely lacks any ability to answer any question logically, his body language was also very telling, he did not listen to any questions that John put to him and was not in the least bit interested in any contributions from the Green party leader. I thought the blessing scene was very telling not one woman in sight and a whole lot of well dressed men touching each other perhaps it may have been some sort of 'Queens' birthday celebration.   It  was also surprised to hear that 'Mr' Tamaki needed  financial help from the Government, his outfit looked surprisingly GQ expensive, either that or he must shop at a very good Charity shop the same goes for the bloke with the clutch cargo chin… I was also intrigued to see that there was no sign of anyone over 60 at the AGM, Oh, but of course we are all pensioners, so can’t afford the gifts that Tamaki and his cult gang require.

Well I had better wrap things up here but don’t forget www.theflea.co.nz weekdays between midday and four.  Put on the Coffee bubbles.

Any opinions expressed here are those of Muzza and not of GrownUps.

Tuesday 12th April

Hello once again,

What a week of it aye. Daylight Saving time went out with a whimper on Sunday morning, the Warriors had their first win of the season, a plastic Waka could be erected on Auckland’s Waterfront, many buildings will be demolished in Christchurch, A Fielding man has been accused of the murder of his Brother in law, The NZPA is to be closed down, Colonel Goodlaughy continues wear that ridiculous towel hat thing and 2 dollar shop sunny glasses, we are all ready spending the money we will win in this week’s power ball, 34mill,sorry everybody but its ready to go into my bank account, oh and one other thing…I started doing volunteer work on a community radio station based at Devonport called The Flea, it’s a lot of fun and if you live along Tamaki drive or Devonport and Takapuna you can listen on 88.2FM in Devonport and Tamaki Drive and all the surrounding areas and also on 107.1fm in Takapuna and Milford. And the Flea (which was started by the Late Mike Baker) who lotsa music you haven’t heard in ages along with some comedy and comment between midday and 4 starting next Tuesday.

I must say I am enjoying the Ferry trip from down town Auckland, watching the cloud take shape, to the Devonport Wharf where the Flea has its studio, you can’t miss it, right there in the middle of the wharf buildings.

I am just having a laugh at the AbCircle Pro ad on TVONE where an American lady says' I am not a paid actress, I am a real person'. So I suppose that means all those people in Film, stage shows and TV ads are not real live people but Robots imported long ago from a galaxy far away.

A couple of weeks ago, while watching TVONE News with Ken and Barbie, AKA Simon and Wendy, Ken pronounced the word Aluminium as Aloominum, I fell of my Lazy Boy in complete shock, unfortunately there was no Laudinum available at the time. It’s a plot ladies and Gents, something to do with the hot-shot woman TVNZ has hired, at great expense, to teach their staff to become Americanised, This same hot shot consultant apparently sits down with her 'erbed tea and pumpkin pie on Tuesday and Thursday nights scratching at he straightened hair trying to work out what those strange people are talking about on Coronation Street, and why does it rate so well. So if you wonder why the beginning and end of Coro is edited so badly, blame it on 'Miss Rip I can really rip of TVNZ'

I recall the same thing happened in radio during the 80s, when a station I worked at in Auckland hired a couple of American consultants who sat in a hotel room in Takapuna for a day, just drinking coffee and trying to work out what a vanilla slice and a Lammington is and who the F… is this guy called Muzza, and why isn’t his name pronounced like Pizza, These same hotshots then spouted their American ideas on how New Zealand radio should sound, no need to get out into the street, listening to what people talk about in Supermarkets,(something I always do by the way as I am total Saint:) no bus trips just listening to everyday people chatting. They didn’t have a clue about Kiwi culture and how we think and act. Do it like the Americans and that will work.

And our good old Kiwi accent seems to have gone into hiding as well, walk down Queen Street in Auckland any day and you'll never hear emmchisit (how much is it), sucks (six) fush end Chups and so on.

And while we are chatting about our unique kiwi sound I, used my gold card just two nights ago and caught a bus from the City to St Heliers, when a large blonde woman found her way to her seat while yapping on a mobile, she had one of those loud English accents a cross between Betty Turpin on Coro and Jonathan Woss the blonde she literally shouted into her phone for most of the trip, telling the person she was shouting at, that Sheryl was not doing well ,and Carlotta was also lazy and so on and so forth there was much rolling of eyes from the other passengers. I almost, I was waiting for someone including myself to turn round and say 'Madam if you are running a call girl service that fine, but please don’t do it on Public transport' , but I bit my tongue and no it didn’t hurt at all:) But to add insult to injury two gentleman behind me got into a conversation about the fact that new Zealanders were really slow and it took ages to get things done, I gather they had something to do with Auckland University, they then started chatting about their favourite TV shows, no mention of one commented he didn’t understand Shortland Street or outrageous Fortune, the other agreed, one had a strong French accent the other a strong South African accent. Both men's taste in TV shows was a bit on the naff side, but to each their own, people can’t help it if their taste is all in their mouths. Anyway I guess the point of multiculturalism is fine, but if you come to live in another country get used to the local culture and roll with it. Hey just a cotton pickin' melting moment, I think I am turning into a grouchy old moaner, before I know it I will be wearing slippers round the house drinking cocoa playing canasta, and discussing mind numbing topics like The younger generation has no consideration for the older population..

I am moving house this weekend, and you'll know what that means, packing and tossing stuff away, it’s amazing what you find amongst the drawers and bookcases, CDs you had forgotten you owned, pictures of family members you have stashed away, Christmas cards from people you had almost forgotten about, I even found a letter from Mum who died back in 2001(I still miss her)I am looking forward to the move though as my new home just a quick walk to the beach, (well Summer is only round 81/2 months away:).

Have you noticed those ads on TV from a good chap called Bear Grylls, he does one of the ads for The Christchurch Earthquake appeal and also does some mind numbing adventures which are so close to the edge that we viewers are left breathless, he is a total daredevil. BUT I just came across this story from the web:

Survivalist Bear Grylls may appear to be cool, calm and collected in the face of danger, capable of handling himself in any situation, but the truth is that some times he's just as flappable as any of us. Why, just last year he was out in the States filming his latest series and got himself into a tremendous panic when he locked himself in his own hotel room.

Which just goes to show he is just like the rest of us.

And from the  'This can’t be true but it is, files' this  web story

John Cooper, on trial for the murder of four people in Pembrokeshire in the 1980s, was a contestant on Bullseye one month before the shootings. That’s really weird don’t you think.

And finally from the politically incorrect old Jokes home this one.

There's a new vegetarian snack food on sale in Korea. It’s called Not Poodle.

Gotta get back to the packing.
Toodahloo

Tuesday 16th February

Hello and welcome to another Muzza Blog

What a week last week. We visited the garden City for a round of meet and greets, outside broadcasts and fun. We got the lot; the weather was fine, the Cantabrians friendly, the city brilliant and the team at RadioWorks helpful and ready to please. Enjoyed particularly the morning at Smiths city in Colombo Street, where we gave away a Luxury Queen sized bed and accessories. It was a superb week but yours truly was happy to land back in my own bed. By the way I want to give 10 out of 10 for the SO HOTEL in Worcester Street, a real funky place, with great rooms and Tip Top service, and incredibly reasonable rates. It’s right in the centre of the city and has a great cafe/bar etc.

Have you been to see Avatar yet? Don’t miss it. I had my doubts about seeing it, and 15 minutes in started to wish I hadn’t wasted my money but then the effects started and from then on in it was a simply awesome experience, unlike any other movie I have ever seen, the acting is wooden, the script terrible, but if you put all that aside it’s a visual treat , and the best 3D experience I have ever had,( and I have seen much 3D dating back to the 70s, even saw Andy Warhol’s Frankenstein in 3D whilst in New York during the 70's and remember the original 3D The Creature from the Black Lagoon.

Another movie worth catching, provided you are in a good state of mind, is Precious, produced by Oprah Winfrey with a virtually unknown cast including  Mariah Carey, who surprisingly was very good. It’s a sad story but in the end leaves you with a glimmer of hope, showing how with the help of good friends and much love anyone can survive and go forward. I won’t spoil the story but do watch it.

Looking forward to Thursday morning, when I will be talking to two of my all time favourites Carol King and James Taylor, who of course will be playing in Auckland and Christchurch in the next few days Make sure you are listening between 8.30 and 9am Thursday Morning.

Speaking of performances, what a great night at Western Springs with 60,000 screaming fans  watching  AC/DC, it was RocknRoll at its very best from the outstanding  beginning to the fireworks at the end, the night was clear, the sound perfect and the band right on track ,not bad for a bunch of guys in their 50s and 60s.

Don’t forget I am now back to being Muzza in the Morning, love to have you as a friend of the show weekdays between 5.30 and 10am, and if you are up and about between 5.30 and 6, give me a call and spin a yarn on 0800 765 434, also we want you to take part in our Boomer Poll most mornings between 7 and 8 when you can text us on Gold (space) your name and answer to 3920 or email muzza@solidgoldfm.co.nz

Cheers, Must run have fun

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Friday 18th December

If you have just won Lotto and cant think of a way to spend the proceeds read on……The lake Okareka Lodge in Rotorua has taken the Award as the worlds best luxury country lodge at the Luxury Hotel Awards in Thailand, the Lodge only has three bedrooms no coverage for Mobile users and comes at a mere $7,150 a night, Oh easy peasy I'll take a week after Christmas.

Interesting story about the Manurewa Cosmopolitan club which barred a local MP

Kanwaljit Singh Bakshi from entering because he wears a Turban, The club has a no headwear rule,fair enough too. Apparently Mr Bakshi was to receive an award for community work,but was asked to remove his turban, he took exception to the rule and now wants the Human Rights Watchdog in the case. Perhaps the club should put up a Marquee in the car park and perform the ceremony there. But it does give rise to the question why is it called a Cosmopolitan club,because as Wikipedia puts it Cosmopolitan may refer to: Internationalism. A city/place or person that embraces its multicultural demographics. The club must be respected for its rules and I should imagine Mr Bakshi was aware of those rules,and we all believe that if we are to make exceptions (and God only knows we appear to be making heaps these days in the name of PC), the other parties need to do the same, I suggest Mr Bakshi get over himself and accept the award in Absentia. And maybe the Manurewa Cossie club needs to change its name to The Manurewa Country Club.

I am a pretty happy chappie at the moment having received a promotion at Solidgoldfm along with a nice pay increase, I will be going solo on the SolidGoldFM Breakfast show from January 11th 2010. So its a whole new sleeping pattern for yours truly to get into. But I have to pay homage to Blackie one of the truly great Broadcasters this country has known. Kevin is having a bit of a rest from early mornings, and relaxing into proper family life. I have been a fan of Blackie for years and admired his humour,his excellent work ethic and amazingly happy disposition, while the rest of us have our upsndowns Kevin is always positive and happy. Kevin and I have worked together on Radio Hauraki during the late 70s and again in the past few years here at SolidGoldFM, I have big shoes to fill but as I will be doing the show solo it will be different.

Another big question…Who the Hell is Tyra Banks…and for that matter who cares?

Finally from the old jokes home some quick eze

Q: Who's the nicest man in a hospital?

A: The ultra-sound man

Q: Who covers his shifts while he's away?

A: The hip-replacement guy.

Q: What do you call a tellytubby who has been burgled?

A: A tubby.
 
Merry Christmas One and All and an amazing twenty ten!

Muzza

Monday 23rd November

Hi and Welcome to the Pleasure Dome:)

I was shocked to hear this afternoon that TelstraClear is thinking of moving its call centre to the Philippines. I as sad for two reasons. The first being that in my dark days following the deaths of my brother and mother I was employed at the Telstraclear call centre in Christchurch and made many fine friends who now could be jobless so I wish Del ,Colleen, and al the team there the very best. The other reason I am sad is that like most kiwis I am fed up calling centres only to be greeted by someone with a limited command of the English Language, and spending the best part of the call trying to understand what they say and they in turn trying to understand what I am saying. Remember Telstraclear its all about customer service, and the happier your customers are with your service there is always a payback. I have been with Telstraclear for years now but if I find the call centre operators are substandard I will move to Vodaphone.

Good to see a former Kiwi has won Australian idol , it was announced on Sunday night at the Sydney Opera house in front of a vast crowd in 40 degrees heat. Good to see Stan win as h came across as a modest almost shy young man with a dysfunctional background which he seems to have managed to live thru and come out winning on the other side.

Now let me have a moan about Auckland drivers who have to be the most inconsiderate in the world. Having driven in most cities round the world and coming up against some fairly nasty drivers, I have to say Auckland drivers are the worst. Most of them appear to have broken indicators,most tailgate,most just don't concentrate, and I am still seeing drivers using their hand held mobiles. yesterday in fact I was following a bloke in a late model car he changed lanes several times without signalling, was meandering from side to side coming over the Harbour Bridge and while all this was going on this numbskull was talking on his handheld mobile, and appeared to be changing the station on his car radio!!!! Where are the cops when you need them.
 
And some showbiz gossip here..

Rachel Hunter is reportedly dating Eddie Irvine. by spending time with the former Formula One racing driver. she seems to have managed to get over her Canadian sportsman who left her practically at the altar.

Now here's something that really made me smile this week a nice email

Hi Muzza

Hope you’re well! As a keen whisky fan, I thought you’d be interested to hear about an upcoming auction of a rare Glenfiddich whisky which I’m sure Solid Gold listeners and Grownups readers will also been keen to hear about – hopefully it will encourage some of them will get bidding for a very worthy cause.

I’d also love to invite you to an exclusive tasting event to sample the 1975 Vintage Reserve (we’ve reserved one bottle for our VIP whisky fans; the other is the one up for auction) – it’s taking place on Tues 1 December at the Whisky Shop, Elliot Stables, from 6pm (sure you’ll be fine to pop in after your show though – we won’t be tasting the 1975 til last!)

For more information on the auction or to enter a bid for the Glenfiddich Vintage Reserve 1975, please see www.webbs.co.nz or contact Simon Ward, ph 09 529 5600, wine@webbs.co.nz
 
Well that's my lot don't forget to listen out each afternoon for the Fab 4 at 4 four great beatles songs back to back, and then there's also the Story Lady with her somewhat Bizarre take on Nursery Rhymes each evening round 5.45pm at SolidGoldFM www.solidgoldfm.co.nz
 
Must run have fun,
Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Monday 2nd November

Hi Once again,

I am back from a couple of great weeks in Oz.

First of all let me congratulate Emirates , I did the return trip on their new A380 Air Bus, what a great ride!

Its a flying 3 story building. And for fifty one bucks more than than Virgin you get the full service. Hot Towels from Beautiful Cabin Attendants, 200 movies to choose from on your own screen, thousands of music channels ,you can plug in your laptop and even make phone calls. Then there s the food, sen=bloody-sational mate. A choice of mains, wines, soft drinks the whole nine yards; the way Airlines used to be and for that matter should still be. A definite 9 out of 10 in my books…Oh well lets make it 10 out of 10 aye!

I stayed a few days with old friends in Sydney and generally relaxed and laughed a lot. Then caught a Virgin flight down to Albury, $160.00 return fare, but no extras, in fact $2.20 for a cup of tea…actually it was a cardboard mug filled with hot water, with a tea bag on the side, reconstituted milk and and an ice cream stick thing to stir. I stayed with my niece Justine in a little town in North eastern Victoria called Myrtleford not far from Mount Buffalo .Justine by the way lives with a chap called Kevin Black:) I really had a great time, though it was damn cold minus 2c at night. Myrtleford is in the heart of bushfire country,and it was kinda spooky to see row upon of black trees still standing tall after the fires earlier this year ,whole hillsides destroyed and then just as quickly you round a bend and there a wonderous stretches of green verdant pasture surrounded by massive hills.

It was like old home week for me ,as my second job in radio back in the 60s was in Bendigo which is about a 90 minute drive away. We visited a delightful little town called Bright, spent an afternoon in Wangaratta and enjoyed a longish drive to Brown Brotheers winery where we had a splendid lunch and did some wine tasting in a vintage barn on site, we also sampled cheeses and chutneys nearby, I have to say we had darn good time..

Then it was back to Sydney for a couple of days, meeting up with Mark Ackerman an old mate of mine from our days at Radio I in Auckland.Also Bruce Barnett and Kevin Best from the old days at Radio Avon in Christchurch.

And right now I am trying to get my head round my new iPhone,downloading all those amazing applications and getting used to the touch screen.

I must say today I was sad to hear of the passing of a former colleague Tim Bickerstaff yesterday.Tim was a true rebel in his days at Radio i and of course Radio Pacific, and more recently helping us blokes keeping up the flag with his Ignite products. He will be missed.

Finally this week something from the Old Jokes Home:

A young boy was sitting outside his house crying.

A passing neigbour sees him and says

"Seamus, what's wrong? Why are you crying?"

Seamus replies "'Tis a terrible t'ing. Me mam's dying"

"That's awful" the neighbour says " would you like  me to fetch the priest?"

"No thanks", says Seamus, "I'm not in the mood for sex"

Must Run have fun,
Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Tuesday 29th September

Kia Ora GrownUp people,

What a week it was last week…Fashion week flounced its way through Auckland as did Pamela Anderson in something that resembled a nighty, then there was Boobs on Bikes with that lady with the vastly inflated Mammary's, Then one of our greatest Entertainers Sir Howard Morrison passed away into Rock n Roll heaven,…Then the good news that apparently we had just managed to step out of recession, John Key appeared on The Letterman show, viewed by millions of Americans who now want to visit NZ which a junior reporter with a fruity sounding name  on TV3 subsequently got all pedantic about and pointed out the mistakes in the Top Ten list. Then we had a welcome home party on Saturday night and what was that for? …daylight savings time folks.  Hey Jude became Number one on the Top 100 Beatles songs as voted for by our SolidGoldFM listeners and to round it all off on Monday Morning Jayne Abbott  of Christchurch was rocked out of her slumbers when Blackie gave her a call to say she had won that Beatles Prize a trip to London to get her Beatles cd collection thanks to Air New Zealand,and United Travel.

After all that I reckon we all need a cup of tea a Panadol and a good lie down. Correct?

While we are talking Sir Howard how can we ever think about replacing such an outstanding Kiwi icon Most of us will remember the days of The Howard Morrison Quartet with songs like My old Mans an All Black ,most of us probably saw them performing in local soundshells at our many seaside resorts. Then there were his Halcyon days as a solo performer on TV and at most concert venues in the Big cities and small towns throughout Aotearoa. He will be missed!!.
 
Then in other news The Auckland Booze laws that would have started up a late night swill have been flushed down the lav

Roll up roll up its going be 4 cents a litre cheaper at the Bowser

The Springfield Donut in Canterbury has been buggered

The Para Eels are set to turn the storm into a mild breeze this weekend

I am still browned off that TVONE has decided to ditch Days of Our Lives and The Young and the Restless at the end of October, my good friend Pam Corkery and myself are considering chaining ourselves to the TVNZ entrance in protest, and collecting signatures at the same time,which could be awkward, anyway, if you care to join us keep it here, and we'll arrange something.

Finally for Our Auckland readers see if you can make it to the Drake hotel in Sale street for a Pub Quiz night on Wednesday night October 1st, it should be fun and you can enter a team of up to 8 people I believe, I will be your Quizmaster so BEHAVE!!!
 
Now to the Old Jokes Homes:

Visiting the modern art museum, a lady turned to an attendant standing nearby.

"This", she said, "I suppose, is one of those hideous representations you call modern art?"

"No, madam", replied the attendant. "That one's called a mirror."

Must run, have fun…

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Monday 21st September

I don't know about you but I always get a buzz when I hear something kiwi mentioned on a TV show from Overseas, and that's what happened last night on Coro..

Liam was sitting in The Rovers having an ale doing some writing, and when he was asked what he was doing, he replied that he was making a list of Sports men who wear glasses, and  that the first name that came to mind was Daniel Vitorri, nice one Coro Street. Isn't it funny how our attention has been once again diverted from the really important issues by the giant ego belonging to W(h)anganuis mayor. This whole H debate seems to have carried on for months now, and no none really knows what's going to happen,

Maori Party co-leader Tariana Turia says her people wept at the Geographic Board's ruling that Wanganui should have an "h" added to its name ,but I reckon it wont make much difference to the locals.My dad was born in Wanganui and his dad had a chemist shop in Victoria Avenue and I know that they, and I guess most people who live there, still refer to it as Wanga-newy, I say let the whole dreary argument thing rest and stick the H back in, and let Ken Mear and his cohorts go about their business of moaning once again. But it has left me with a bit of dilemma, if we revert to the correct spelling of names and places there is going to be a lot of change over the coming months, for instance we did some research on our family name, Inglis, and found that the original spelling was "E n g l I s h " ,so perhaps we should honour our ancestors and change the name back to its original spelling, and then of course there's the pronunciation we pronounce it Ingalls, Gregg Inglis the League player from Melbourne calls it Ing gliss, perhaps Tariana and Ken can give us some advice:)

God, I think I need a cup of Bourbon (Glenfiddich of course)and a good lie down.

Now don't forget to catch my radio show on SolidGoldFM weekdays between 2pm and 7pm, we have competitions, a daily laugh segment with comments from everyone from The Goons and Peter Cooke and Dudley Moore to Lily Tomlin, Bail Cosby and Jerry Seinfeld. And there's the Fab 4 at 4, four songs from the Beatles everyday at 4, and the Story Lady comes in round 5.4pm with a new and scary twist on all the old kids story's, she is hilarious. And of course there's the Beatles 9 2 5 game which has another week to run before Blackie makes the big draw round 8am on September 28th. Everyday at 9am, 2pm and 5pm, just after the news and weather we announce the name of a Beatles song, when we play that song some time before the next hour you need to be caller 4 on 0800 765434 to go in the draw to win an all expenses paid trip to London , thanks to Air New Zealand and United Travel where you'll head to Abbey road studios to pick up your own copy of the new remastered Beatles Boxed set.

Finally from the Old Jokes Home

A very shy guy goes into a bar and sees a beautiful woman sitting at the bar. After an hour of gathering up his courage he finally goes over to her and asks, tentatively, "Um, would you mind if I chatted with you for a while?"

She responds by yelling, at the top of her lungs, "No, I won't sleep with you tonight!" Everyone in the bar is now staring at them. Naturally, the guy is hopelessly and completely embarrassed and he slinks back to his table.

After a few minutes, the woman walks over to him and apologizes. She smiles at him and says, "I'm sorry if I embarrassed you. You see, I'm a graduate student in psychology and I'm studying how people respond to embarrassing situations."

To which he responds, at the top of his lungs, "What do you mean $200?"

Put on the coffee Bubbles

Monday 14th September

Its been quite a week, Taranaki beating Wellington on Thursday night, the anniversary of 9/11,someone setting fire to John keys headquarters and the Mt Smart Big Top,and Steve having the charges dropped on Coro Street.

Actually while we are talking TV, the 18 year old graduates from the low rent AUT have decided that Days of our Lives and The Young and The Restless no longer fit their schedule and they plan to drop both of them from October, I guess no one in the 10 to 35 year old demographic watches these Heritage soaps.

And why is that?

Well Muriel, they are either at school, at work or just too stoned to watch.

One cant help wondering what they will be replaced with, repeats of The Black and White Minstrels perhaps or The Puraz lady wrapping her mouth round another Helium filled balloon ,, or perhaps the Ladder Man topples off his ladder,or the Steam Mop Lady Mops down her horny husband.or just another series of Naff repeats.

Lets hope that Prime picks up these all time greats , would make sense, as I am sure there are heaps of housebound folk who enjoy these long running soaps.

Its always good to hear from your local council regarding work to be done in your area, I must say whilst I personally don't have a lot of time for Auckland's North Shore Council having had some experience with their Haughty Attitudes, but I must say I was impressed when I received this email….

The mass of weeds that were present when we started the project to enhance the stream at Pine Ridge, just 18 months ago, is long gone. But to make sure we don t miss any, a couple of gardeners will be around in mid-September, removing the little weeds that have grown up in the gaps between the new native plants around the stream bed. Feel free to say Hi to Holly and Sherina when they are working at your place. They will remove weeds by hand, so there will be no nasty chemicals. They will pack the weeds into black plastic bags, where in the dark, dry environment they will rot down to make good compost. If you wish to help them you will be very welcome. They will show you what to do and will have extra gloves and bags on hand…very good Glenda and your team
 
You still can't download BEATLES music from iTunes. Yesterday's big announcement from Apple Inc. did not include any mention of the newly remastered Fab Four catalogue, but CEO STEVE JOBS did unveil some new iPod related goodies, and some iTunes upgrades. The all new iPod Nanos will now come with a video camera, microphone and speakers, so you can create your own movies, along with an FM tuner, voice recorder and a pedometer which synchs up with the Nike Plus system. Artists like THE DOORS, BOB DYLAN and DAVE MATTHEWS BAND are already offering the iTunes LP, which includes bonus tracks, videos, photos lyrics and more for 17-dollars. But, you'll have to upgrade to the new version of iTunes, which is also available now. (I cant wait for payday next week and I am off to the Warehouse to pick up my new ipod

Now don't forget our Beatles 925 game continues next week, listen out at 9am 2pm and 5pm when we will announce the Beatles song of the hour and when we play it all you have to do is be the 4th caller on 0800765434 to be in the Big Draw with Blackie on Sept 28th . And if your name is called you will get to Fly Air New Zealand to London complete with a $750 Canon Camera pack, you'll be given accommodation for 5 nights thanks to Hotel Club.com, Richard Porter the Official UK Beatles Guide will show you round all the Beatles former haunts in London and then you'll be taken to Abbey Road Recording studios to pick up your Boxed, Remastered Beatles Set all thanks to United Travel at www.united travel.co.nz. Its a lot of fun and the phones are going crazy so make sure you are in to win
 
Finally this week our usual visit to the Old Jokes Home

Maurice was known among his friends for the promptness with which he sent his ex-wife her alimony payment each month. When asked the reason for his rush, he shivered and explained, "I’m afraid that if I ever should fall behind in my payments she might decide to repossess me."

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Monday 7th September

Hello and welcome to Uncle Muzza's Blog

First a look at some news items you may have missed during the week,…Michael Laws aka Patricia Pedantic is being urged to have a cup of tea, a lithium and a good lie down, after his performance with the kids from Otaki, and his childish trick of putting people down when his own argument isn't strong enough, he looked a right prig on Close-Up last night. Actually a mate of mine went to University with him at Otago and remembers Laws on the Debating team resorting to the very same tactics when his tiny brain couldn't match the opposing argument, and having seen him, in action at some Radio Station he uses the same tactics with staff members. Definitely a case of Norris-NO-Mates.

Police are hunting for a polite armed robber who reportedly said "please" and "thank you" as he held up five Auckland businesses.

Zac Guildford and Israel Dagg say they are in talks with the Crusaders after meeting head coach Todd Blackadder

Michael Jackson's family are preparing to bury him today in a mausoleum filled with legendary entertainers.at forest lawn

A study says that obese people are at a greater risk for Alzheimer's Disease. Apparently the first sign is forgetting you have already eaten breakfast. Twice.

I don't know about you but Black Eyed Steve is turning out to be a prime tosser on Coro Street, and look out for surprise developments with Steve Libby in about 12 months from now… also we are all asking this question when is Doris Norris going to fess up to the car scratching

Really looking forward to Monday night when I am attending that special Glenfiddich food matching night at Clooney's restaurant in Auckland should be an absolute winner, Glenfiddich has always been my drink of choice, I always remember My old Dad saying if you are going to drink Top shelf always go for the best, about the only sane advice he ever gave me to be quite honest 🙂

Now don't forget the 9, 2, 5 Game on SolidGoldFM every weekday at 9am 2pm and 5pm, just after the News we announce the name of a Beatles song, then your job is to listen out for it, when you hear it call 0800765434 be the 4th caller and you are registered for the big draw.he big prize includes a return Flight with Air new Zealand to LONDON thanks to United TRAVEL, you'll have five nights accommodation at a London hotel, you'll receive a Canon Digital camera and Mini Printer, guided Tours of London's Beatles spots including Carnaby Street with Richard Porter a top Beatles travel Guide , and then to top it all of youll be escorted to the Famous Abbey road recording studios where you'll be presented with the brand new 14CD Boxed Beatles digitally remastered set. So make make sure you are listening to SolidGoldFM weekdays at 9, 2 and 5

Finally something from the Old Jokes Home:

"Young man", the CEO said, "you’ve been with the company for a year. You started off in the mail room, one week later you were promoted to a sales position, and one month after that you were promoted to district manager of the sales department. Just four short months later, you were promoted to vice-chairman. Now it’s time for me to retire, and I want you to take over the company. What do you say to that?"

"Thanks," said the employee.

"Thanks?" the boss replied. "Is that all you can say?"

"I suppose not," the employee said. "Thanks, Dad."

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Monday 31 August

Hello All,

Well its nearly over folks, "Winter" ,Tuesday supposedly being the first day of spring,perhaps we can get rid of the electric blankys once and for all.

Last Wednesday evening I had the pleasure to MC a fundraiser at Auckland's Sky City Cinemas. It in aid of Chris Gordon a young family man who has diagnosed with terminal Cancer. He and his lovely wife were in the Audience and were totally blown away at the generosity of the Audience we had raffles, a huge Auction and lots of fun.Then we were all treated to Chocolate dips(remember the old nibble nooks). Then it was on to the big film of the evening a special preview of The Ugly Truth starring Katherine Heigle from Greys Anatomy, she is very funny in her role, it really pushes the old envelope at time in terms of male and female relationships. her co star is brilliant as what some might call a misogynist TV host he is an Irishman I think called Gerard Butler, if you want a bit of laugh and the odd embarrassed snigger behind your hand don't miss:" The Ugly Truth"

No surprises at the New Zealand first conference in Hamilton this weekend , and I wouldn't mind betting a few chocolate fish that Winstone Peters will announce another comeback, he will catch up to the Rolling Stones and Stacey Jones and Frank Sinatra before you can say Tauranga.As my old dad used to say God Loves a Trier.

One of the funniest things of the past week, was Paul Henry on TVONE Breakfast cracking up at the lady who was talking about itchy bottoms, something most of us have put up with from time to time. Apparently the control room were giving him cheek:),and what's more the lady did not crack a smile, she was deadly serious about it all, then to cap the whole thing Alison Mau got her words mixed and instead of body she uttered Botty. Everyone made the whole thing the butt of some silly jokes:)

I must thank the team at Mango who have just delivered a bottle of 15 year old Glenfiddich to my in-tray at SolidGoldFM. Just what I needed as I have had a bit of a sore throat this week and in fact had to take Friday off ,and there's nothing like a glass of fine single malt scotch to clear the pipes..Glenfiddich is pioneering the concept of whisky and food matching, and will be holding degustation dinners in September in Auckland, Wellington and Christchurch. The degustation dinner series kicks off at Clooney in Auckland on 7 September, followed by the Crumpet Club in Chch on 8 September and Martin Bosley’s in Wellington on 9 September. Having had the chance to sample Clooney’s 5-course degustation (and a whole lot of Glenfiddich) a couple of weeks ago, I can tell you that guests are in for a rare treat if Clooney’s menu is anything to go by! So we might see you there.

By the way don't forget we at SolidGoldFM have the chance for you to get in the draw to win a trip to London flying with AirNew thanks to united travel. Listen each day at 9,and 5 to hear the name of a Beatles song and when we play it be caller number 4 on 0800 765 434. Here's what will be won when draw the winner

• Rreturn economy flights for two to London flying Air New Zealand from winners nearest International Airport, thanks to United Travel

• 5 nights accommodation in London thanks to HotelClub.com

• The Beatles digitally re-mastered stereo 14 CD boxed collection

• Canon travel package including an IXUS 80IS camera, small portable Selphy ES2 photo printer and case, valued at over $750 thanks to Canon

• Visit to Abbey Road Studios to pick up the Beatles boxed collection

• Private 'Beatles in London' Tours with the famous tour guide Richard Porter to see everything Beatles in London!

Finally from the old jokes home:

The Top 3 Signs Your Lawsuit Isn't Going Well

3 – The court typist interrupts your star witness's testimony to ask how to spell "perjury."

2 – While you testify that the plaintiff's negligence has ruinedyour life, the back row of the jury is playing air violins.

1 – Instead of saying "I do" when being sworn in, your key witness says, "Well, so much for plan A."
 
Put on the Coffee bubbles

Wednesday 19th August

I must start and end on a some positive notes. First of all if you ever in Auckland or live in the city of sails, let me point you towards the Engine room. No its not a garage but a really top Restaurant, its in Northcote right opposite the Bridgeway Cinemas. We were deciding what to make for dinner Saturday night, so we made Reservations.

The Engine room is fun and vibrant, with a first class staff, who are attentive without being overbearing, they make great suggestions, and know there wines and food. The food is well served, there's plenty of it and its "absolutely delicious ", and what's more the price is right also. I had the roast chicken which roasted right there on the spot and I was dared to try the Brussell Spouts, so under pressure I tried them …sen bloody sational. You need to book in Advance but believe me its well worth the wait. The other thing that struck us was the clientele, a really mixed bunch, no Ponsonby posers, a couple of family groups,some newspaper types, and young and old couples,including a huge bodybuilder type and his fitness lady.. and an old mate I hadn't seen for 20 years.

Wasn't it good to hear Stephen Joyce( a former boss of mine by the way) had finally got down to making it an offence to Talk/Text on your Mobile while driving, I think the fine should be considerably larger as in Victoria where its an instant $200.00 fine. I am fed up with drivers weaving all over the road while they discuss tonight's dinner, or place a bet with the TAB, or make an appointment at the CASI clinic. And its not only Herne Bay bimbos, but overweight executives, keen young salespeople and mothers of 12. Roll on November 1st

I reckon we were all appalled by that shocking display of crude loutish behaviour between Kelston Boys 1st XV and Auckland Grammar 1st XV, at the time of writing this, I hear that The Headmaster of Kelston Boys has suspended several members of the schools 1st and 2nd XV, while the head of Grammar has so far declined to blame any his clean cut white collar players from the Grammar zone for their part in the debacle.

It will be interesting to see what the Auckland Rugby judiciary has to say tonight.

By the way if you are near a TV Thursday night check out TVNZ 7, its on Freeview and Sky in the news and Doco section, the show is called Media 7 and they have me along with the infamous Stables to come along and talk about shock jocks,in the wake of the scandal surrounding Kyle Sandilands and the lie detector in Sydney, should be fun ,as I have been known to do the odd outrageous stunt in the past.

And finally from the old jokes home:

Steve, Bob, and Jeff were working on a very high scaffolding. Suddenly, Steve falls 50 feet to the ground below and he is killed instantly.

After the coroner leaves with Steve's body, Bob volunteers to inform Steve's wife of the terrible news. Some two hours later, Bob returns to the work site with a six-pack of beer under his arms.

"Say, Bob, where did you get the six-pack?"

"Steve's wife gave it to me!"

"What! You just told her that Steve died and she gave you a six-pack?"

"Well, before I broke the news to her, I asked her if she was Steve's widow. And, she said she wasn't, so I said I'd bet her a six-pack she was!"
 
Hey don't forget to catch my show weekdays on Solidgoldfm between 1 and 6pm with the Fab four at Four, The Story Lady, The Laughin and of course 12 in a row every hour.

Cheers

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Thursday 30th July

Kia Ora and welcome my friends , first of all I must congratulate Tauranga's Gold Star Patrick's Pies Bakery which has taken out the top award in the Bakels Supreme Pie Award, with its creamy bacon, mushroom and cheese pie., I am heading over that way next Monday for a weeks holiday and cant wait to try this supreme pie. I was actually thinking it would be great to have some other Bakery awards, like the best Custard Slice, The Tastiest Lamington, The Sweetest Cup Cake, and most of all the most enticing Trifle, maybe they do it already but yours truly hasn't heard of it.

What a strange old week its been the All Blacks lost to those infernal Springboks and The Warriors lost to a much better team in the Dragons on Sunday at Mt Smart, I was there in the stand watching the game and came away with a bit of an empty feeling, didn't even get to have a Beer with me old mate the Mad Butcher in his Lounge, the lady with me didn't feel like mixing with the blokes so I was even less happy, however in the words of the small faces mustn't grumble.

It is of course Maori language week, and I have to admit my conversational Maori is terrible, as I guess most of we Baby Boomers do. I do my best and work on correct pronunciation of place names etc.,mind you I have found it hard to follow the Weather forecasts this week on the old TV.

It was an important day in History on Wednesday of this week,.think back to July 29th 1981 when the Springboks defeated Taranaki at Rugby Park in new Plymouth, that night when up to 2000 anti-Springbok tour protestors were confronted by police who used batons to stop them marching up Molesworth Street to the home of South Africa's Consul to New Zealand, that was quite a tour and one most if us remember which ever side you supported.

I bet Paula Bennet has sweated away a few pounds this week over the DPB affair, , I am no GOK but someone should have a quiet word to her re her dress sense, she looks like a Sherman tank, something a little garish and slimming is what's called for there I imagine.

Did you notice that Humour article in this weeks Listener recalling some of our great Humorists, like Billy T James, Fred Dagg and so on. It was interesting to see the result of their reader poll, Billy T was hailed as our funniest comedian ever followed by John(Fred Dagg)Clarke ,(who turned 61 on Wednesday) no surprises there, though I was somewhat surprised to see Lyn of Tawa on the list, I'd always thought she was a rather bad imitation Edna Everage without the wit

Finally a visit to the Old Jokes Home folks

An elderly couple absolutely despised each other, but remained married for years( she was a Catholic and of course for the sake of the kids). During their shouting fights, the old man constantly warns his wife, "If I die first, I will dig my way up and out of the grave to come back and haunt you for the rest of your life!"

One day, the man abruptly dies. After the burial, the wife goes straight to the local bar and begins to party. Her friends ask if she isn't worried about her husband digging himself out of the grave.

The wife smiles, "Let the old bugger dig. I had him buried upside down!"

Friday 24th July

Hello and how the devil are you, this is your friendly neighbourhood Blogger reporting for service here.

My favourite story of the week has to be the one about the Hamilton woman who was doing her best to park her car outside a Video store on Friday Morning, no problems there folks, but wait while manoeuvring her vehicle the same airhead was trying to put on her Jandals, so of course her foot accidentally slipped forward and pumped the accelerator, straight into the Video store, the store has close for the weekend as the damage was huge, and in actual fact one assistant has damage to her collar bone,

The big question is why would you be wearing Jandals in Hamilton on a cold Midwinter's day, and was the said airhead returning her movies, was one of them by any chance Dude Where's My Car…we await those answers with baited breath.

And didn't the Jury do well in The Clayton (The Uni lecturer you have when there's no lecturer available) Weatherstone case. The guy is obviously some sort of ratbag, and if my sources are correct there's already a contract of $5,000 on him, and as I once mentioned he bears a somewhat striking resemblance to that other deranged killer Jeffrey Dharmer, and we all know what happened to him in prison, certainly would save the Taxpayer money wouldn't it!!

Does anybody know a good Witch Doctor out there  , I need bloody good hex on some noisy neighbours had a riotous party last weekend and didn't invite me, they partied till  2am , I think it was  the South Africans below me, I hope the Springboks don't win this weekend , they will  be off their trolleys.

Are you a Coro Street fan, yours truly is, and don't you just want hit that Carla with a Wet Orange Roughie, she'll come to a nasty ending that one for sure, and as for Maria what was that I can’t tell dumb Liam about losing the baby, and thank God the Chinless David and the equally chinless Gayle story line has been put on ice for a wee while, and when is someone going to tell Ashley he married a bossy little Harridan in the pasty-faced Clair.

Now I've got that of my chest here's something from the Old Jokes Home

A bus driver on his route sees a van from the zoo stranded on the side of the road. The zoo worker offers the bus driver $100 to help him deliver two dozen penguins. The bus driver agrees and loads the penguins on the bus.

An hour later, the zoo worker gets his van fixed and heads to the zoo.

On the road, he sees the bus driver and the penguins driving in the opposite direction. He catches up to the bus and pulls them over.

The zoo worker yells, "I gave you a $100 to take the penguins to the zoo for me. Why are you still driving them around?"

"Calm down," the bus driver says, "I took the penguins to the zoo. We had change left over, so now I'm taking them to the movies

Finally here’s hoping for an All Black win this weekend, by the time you read this the result will probably be over and out.
 
Hey and if you remember John Hanlon from the 70's with songs like Damn The Dam and Apple Wine well tune into your Local SolidGold frequency cause he is in the studio with Blackie and A J Whetton, he is a legend.

Thursday 7th May

Greetings and salutations one and all ,well I suppose the big words of the Month, are Swine Flu, and how bad is it really, the other day I had my annual flu shot and my Doctor reckons it’s all a bit overblown and that the only folk who should be worried are those who have travelled to the States or Mexico recently. Meantime Mexico's health officials are insisting they're getting the swine flu epidemic under control. It's not the first time Mexico has had an outbreak of disease, people are just now figuring out that Zorro lived to be ninety because he always wore a mask.

Really looking forward to next week. I am off to Christchurch to celebrate a big birthday and catch up with old friends and be involved in ROCKONZ, will be fronting a big night Friday night at Christchurch casino, if you love Rock’n’Roll come down and join in the fun.

I don’t know about you, but I always get a buzz spotting well known faces in the Supermarket, last Thursday just after I finished work at 7pm I noticed a familiar face at the next checkout, I did a double take and realised it was Wendy Petrie from One News, and I must say she is every bit as attractive in the flesh as she is on TVOne, I didn’t say anything to her as I know its kinda naff to interrupt celebs when they are doing stuff we all have to do.

How about Vodafone having a go at Telecom, over the new Mobile service , they really need to get over themselves ,and look at customer service, quite honestly they are both as bad as each other, gigantic corporations with no thoughts for their customers. Mates of mine have connected up with Vodafone and found their service appalling, especially with their so-called wireless broadband service, no help whatsoever, and treated as though they were thick as a brick because they dared asked some questions, one even told one friend he couldn’t believe he didn’t have an email address, they have followed my lead and gone back to Telstraclear. Have you ever tried to get through to Vodafone or Telecoms customer services, maybe customers would happier if they employed people over 25 with more than just a limited command of English. I have been with Telstraclear for round six years and they are friggin marvellous.
 
Finally a wee Joke for you all Two ladies, an Australian and a Kiwi, are sitting next to each other on a plane. The Kiwi lady turns to the Aussie and asks, "So, where are you from?"

The Aussie replies, "I am from a place where we do not end our sentences with a preposition."

Without missing a beat, the Kiwi lady bats her lashes and asks, "So, where are you from, bitch?"

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Tuesday 28th April

Greetings fellow traveller’s, hope your Anzac weekend went well, good to see huge numbers attending the various services both here and Overseas.

Another good game for the Warriors at the weekend. They have played out their second consecutive NRL match in extra time. But this time they have been unable to break the deadlock, drawing 14-all with the Storm in Melbourne. Warriors tackling machine Michael Luck made an astounding 74 tackles in the match, easily bettering his 2009 average of 43. Fanbloody tastic.

On a slightly less pleasant note, fourteen people died on the roads over Anzac weekend. The cops say the accidents should be sending a clear message to motorists. They are urging people to call *555 as soon as they see dangerous behaviour on the road, so police can try to prevent accidents before they happen. The only reservation I have about that is, surely if you are on a motorway and use your mobile that's just as dangerous as anything that maybe happening around you, I guess the best thing to do is find the nearest exit and do the call there. But seriously, folks watch those stopping distances, so many drivers try to make love to the car in front, the other thing use those indicators when motorway driving ,changing lanes and using exits, also when  approaching corners ,and pulling out to overtake. .

How many people were blown away by Susan Boyle…It seems the whole world, and what an indictment on the whole world, how many people actually thought, "who is this cleaning woman who thinks she can sing", well not only were we all wrong, she can sing, and I might add comparing her version of I have a Dream with that of Elaine Paige, she lives the Paige Diva for dead. I can’t wait for her CD.

Have you tried Twitter yet, it's another Facebook, type thing, but far more interesting you can follow celebrities, ordinary people, long lost friends and family and news from anywhere in the world. All you do is go to www.twitter.com, register and then go on line, you search for people you know, or would like to know, all the Celebs are there. Currently I am following, Larry King, Oprah, Russell Crowe, Stephen fry, Jonathan Ross, Time Mag etc. Once you find the person you are looking for you just click the link which says follow. Also when I first joined up I was contacted by a whole bunch of people with a similar Sir-name to mine, Inglis, so it’s also a good way to build up the family tree. It's also a good way to market your business etc, I have included links To SolidGoldFM and also GrownUps.co.nz, you can check my twittering 🙂 at muzzaradio, it takes a while to get your head round it, but it’s worth it in the end, not as busy as Facebook.

And from the "You May be interested in this" department, a new spray is offering up to six times longer sex performance for men. That means some men could actually last through a whole commercial break. The problem is when blokes mistake it for deodorant, and they walk around with their arms in the air for hours. And a study says that one in five Kiwis are postponing health care treatment because of the economy. The other four are still in their doctor's waiting room.

And how about a couple of stories that didn't quite make the Headlines:
If you witnessed all that Business last week regarding those Academics at the Geographic Society spending endless useless hours debating the Names of the North and South Islands you may be interested in this. Folks in West Paterson, New Jersey still don't know what to call themselves. Residents narrowly approved last November to change the town's name to Woodland Park but word leaked out in the local Newspaper that some town officials are working on a secret grass roots effort to change it back to West Paterson. Residents have rejected name change ballot measures three times in the past, including Garret Mountain in 2001. They wanted to name the town after a porn star? Well West Patterson definitely sounds like it's a porn star

A Miss Universe Australia contestant has been criticized for being too skinny at 5'11" and 108 pounds. Pageant officials say if she wants to be more in line with super model standards, she will need to get up to around 110 pounds. The problem was first noticed when judges thought she was modelling her evening gown and it turned out she was just wearing her pageant sash.

Oh and a brickbat to TVNZ who have taken Coro Street of on Friday nights and replaced it with a Hermaphrodite  bearing  a name that sounds like the leftovers in a Thai Restaurant GOK Wok or something.

Finally don't forget  at SolidGoldFM we play The Fab Four at Four (4 classic Beatles songs straight after the 4pm News) every weekday in my radio Show, and for the next month  I am giving away tickets to see the BeatleManiacs, a fantastic Beatles Tribute band  playing at a town near you.

Put on the Coffee Bubbles

Friday 24th April

What a week. Congrats to Tamati and his well deserved win on dancing with the Stars, a real nailbiter, with the viewer votes making the final decision. Now the bets are on as to who will be on the next Edition.

Can’t say I am looking forward to Stars in Their Eyes with Mr Oh -So-Sincere, better things on the other channels.

By the way have you seen my Good Mate Wallace Chapman's show on TVNZ 7 Free View. It’s called BackBenchers, and is filmed every week at the BackBenchers pub behind the Beehive, it’s a lot of fun and you have a chance to be there and hiss and cheer MP's etc. The whisper is that the FreeView channels will be available on Sky from the Beginning of July.

Sad to see EastEnders will no longer be aired on Free To Air Prime from May 1st its being moved to UKTV at 1pm s and 7pm Mon to Thursday, bet there'll be some letters to Mr Tele in TV Guide 🙂

Did you happen to see Russell Crowe on Letterman on Prime the other night…he came across brilliantly, I thought…very environmentally aware… he’s making a new movie where he plays Robin Hood. As much as I like Russell Crowe, I don t need to see him in tights. — He's gained weight. If he puts on any more weight, Russell will have to play Friar Chunk.

Good to see The Warriors come through with a great win at the Weekend like dancing with the Stars it was a real nail biter, extra time and the little General Stacey Jones put it between the posts, fanbloodytastic.

By the way if you are in Christchurch during the week beginning May 9th check out ROCKONZ, it’s a festival of Rock n Roll, I going down for it and looking forward to hosting o9n the Friday night and again on The Saturday, hope to see you there is a biggie.

Anzac weekend this weekend and at SolidGoldFM we are remembering the great Kiwi and Aussie songs from 5pm Friday till Midnight Sunday.

And by the way don’t forget we give away a DVD of the week every weekday round 4.30 this week it’s been Jeff Beck live at Ronnie Scotts in London. And while we are getting in the plugs if you love the Beatles I play the Fab Four at Four every weekday straight after the 4pm News, four great Beatles song back to back with a little bit of Beatles history or new also.

Finally I see that Brit guy is still reading news on TVone, would someone please give him a personality transplant, he can obviously afford it as a friend of mine tells me he saw the self same Brit, (I mustn’t say Pom as one reader got into a hissy fit last time:) driving a Porsche exiting a flash inner city apartment block. TVNZ must be paying him a very nice salary, lets hope the kiwis who lost their jobs didn’t do so to make way for this no talent Brit.

Over and Out,
Put on the Coffee Bubbles.

Tuesday 17th March

Kia Ora, Howdy doody, Hidee Hoedee everybody,
Wasnt that a top game of League on Saturday night in front of what was obviously a sellout crowd, and the Great Steve Price playing his 300th game, I have never met him, but am told he is the nicest most sincere bloke you could ever wish to come in contact with, and, lets face it he is more than just and Honorary Kiwi. Hope Lance Hohia gets over that damn injury we will miss him over the next few weeks, did meet him once after a Warriors game…seemed like a good bloke.

Hey great to hear some good news in one of our SolidGoldFM news bulletins today (amidst all the doom and Gloom of David Baynes Trial, the fuel tax rise,and so on and so forth,) it was about those Rugby mates from Hamilton who won something like 85 grand each in Lotto and drove down to Wellington to collect their money, good on ya lads good effort….now about a loan!!!:)..seriously, though, I mentioned this on my Radio Show today, would you tell the media about a big Lotto win, I wouldnt, in fact I would probably only tell family and close friends. Having been associated with the media now for over 40 years I know how they can beat up a stopry and next thing every scrounger and bleedy Heart has your address and Phone Number, giving you eighty twelve reasons why they should share some of your winnings…bugger off I say:)

I notice too that TVNZ has announced its about to get rid of 100 staff members,lets hope that annoying Pom ,Royden Christie is among the Lay-off's and a genuine sounding Kiwi is retained in his place,. Is TVNZ so short of Kiwi Talent they have to hire a reader who has the personality of disposable nappy( the difference being you cant throw him away). As the head of TVNZ knows, the Television Networks in his home country of Australia hire people who sound like real Aussys, the same goes for UK networks. So I peronally will spit tacks if I see his dull, dreary face and flat uninteresting voice on the Midday news this time next week, same goes for that Funeral Director who does their Voice Overs promoting upcoming programmes.

By the way did you catch our countdown of the Top 1000 songs of the 60s and 70s last week, I had a ball playing them as did, Blackie, Macca, Adam Butler, Mark Smith and Rick Rennie ( there ya go guys dont say I never give you a mention), there were songs I hadn't heard or for that matter played for ages and ages, the phone and Text reaction was outstanding ,so many great comments etc.

Dancing with Stars is back again ,almost compulsive viewing. Interesting dancers this year, . I have spent the last few days explaining to friends and relatives, who those Hobbs people are, he was once on Shortland Street and appeared in one solitary episode of The Young and The Restles before he gained a vast amount of weight, his sister is also an actress and appeared on several local shows (before she started overdosing on Red Bull), she was like a whirling Dervish last week. Then theres John Rowles who should sue his Nip/Tuck surgeon who made one of our greatest talents look like a cross betwteen Joan Rivers and Vincent price, but he will do well. I like Josh Kronfeld he was abit hard on himself last week I thought, The TVone weather guy Tamati Koffee is brilliant, he should win, seems like good bloke and he dances brilliantly, Geraldine Brophy obviously a product of a Catholic Upbring, all that guilt she threw at the judges last week was pitiful to say the least.But the poor lady who was thrown off what was that all about, she wasnt the one who should hve been ditched, certainly one of the Hobbs dynasty deserved to be kicked, off come on TVNZ your taste is all in your mouth. Jason Gunn is as always a total pro and Candy lane still resembles a Drag Queen.

When are they going to invite some real stars on the show, LIKE MARC ELLIS ,GOD HE'S A GREAT PERFORMER, WOIULD GET A JOB ANYWHERE IN THE WORLD i RECKON A REAL NATURAL,BUT WE ALL KNEW THAT ALREADY…RIGHT, Then how about Jude Dobson, Then theres the BRiscoes lady who I worked with 3zm Christchurch back in the 80's, Dan Carter would be great, so would Steve Price, Craig Parker and so many more. But lets hope the Hobbs Dybasty dies out, I hear there is another sister out there also (Yawn)
 
Finally must say I am looking forward to the Who this weekend , what a concert thats gonna be for us boomers who remember them from their first time round .
 
Stay Happy folks, and put on the Coffee Bubbles
 
Muzza
SolidGoldfm
afternoons 2..7pm

Monday 23rd February

Well it's been awhile.  A lot has happened since last time I got it together.

I have spent a couple of great weeks in Melbourne and a small town called Beechworth, where my Niece, Justine, lives with her partner Kevin Black(no, before you ask, he is no relation:)

Beechworth is in Central Victoria (I guess you can guess where I am going with this!) Whilst I was there we toured the local winerys including a visit to Brown Brothers  where we enjoyed a delicious lunch and wine tasting.   Beechworth is also the home of the last days of Ned Kelly and his mother where the very cells they were  confined are located,and the 4,00 strong Town has a fine collection of Colonial buildings, well preserved and in current use. I loved the place.

But over the past few weeks it's been a slightly different place. Yes bushfires!!. Luckily Beechworth wasn't badly hit, but my Niece tells me at one stage the fires (which were started by a branch falling onto power lines) were only less than 2 k's away…then the wind changed.. Justine tells me on the first Saturday the temps were round 47 degrees and they had no power whatsoever till round 2pm the following day. It was so unbearably  hot they slept in the paddling pool outside.  How bizarre. But it all seems, as they say, tickety-boo right now.

Christmas was superb, I spent it with extended family, at the home of Mark and Mary Richardson (you can catch Mark on Prime TV weeknights at 7 on the Crowd Goes Wild) along with various cousins and friends, it was a truly memorable and fun  day. I even managed to put on some good clobber and head to mass at the St Heliers catholic church with the rellys. I had almost forgotten all that sitting,kneeling and standing, but it was a very relaxed service.

Speaking of things religious, I watched the new Meryl Streep Movie :"Doubt" costarring Phillip Seymore-Hoffman..if you have never experienced the absolute lack of compassion, sensitivity and humanity that the nuns of 50 and 60s  had, go and see this film. Meryl Streep is brilliant as the Reverend Mother of a convent , who has no love for her fellow men, no trust and certainly no compassion. I shan't spoil the story or the very strange ending which leaves a couple of unanswered questions.  No wonder Meryl; Streep is a hot contender for an Academy Award, of course by the time you read this she may have won or lost to Kate Winslet.

Oh yes and a quick Pop Quiz folks. Who is the  solemn young man who does the voice overs on TVOne . is his other job perhaps as an undertaker or coroner. Does he ever use any other tone of voice besides solemn, does he ever have a laugh, does he ever manage to go up a couple of octaves? Apparently not!! Is life really just one great  Frown-In.

And where does TV3 get its presenters/Reporters from. How about the guy who looks like a cardboard cut out of a Robot  Alister soomeone or other, and then theres dark girl  Rebecca who looks like she is Married to the solemn guy from TVOne, does she ever smile,  manage a a smirk even.
Then there are the reporters who seem to be straight out of AUT,  with their perfect Maori, and dreadful. English, Or is this just a sign of the times, get one Language right but dont worry about the other , its an evolving language or so the Linguists tell us, surely then the same must apply to Te Reo. Or perhaps there just arent any good speech Tutors out there any more.

Finally I hear the stockmarket has been declining  again over the past couple of days, so much so that I actually saw a Warehouse executive shopping at the Warehouse, or is it just a sign of the times.

Finally if you love the 60s and 70s make certain you listen to SolidGoldFM over the next couple of weeks between 10 and  5 as Macca and yours truly roll through the top 1000 songs of the 60s and 70s.