Raising kind kids

Here’s a question to ponder: is it more important for your children to be kind or happy? Of course the obvious answer is ‘both,’ but if you absolutely had to choose, which side would you err on?

My two cents worth is, the world needs more kind children, who see past the end of their own nose, and who will grow into caring, respectful and responsible adults.

There are more than enough selfish people who discount the feelings and opinions of others. Kindness and gratitude need to be taught and practiced, and with it, the sense of accomplishment that comes from enriching someone else’s life, as well as your own.

That is not to say that personal happiness isn’t important, it is. There just must be an awareness of others as well.

Children are not born good, bad, polite or rude. They learn by watching those around them – so that is why is is essential to model kind and grateful behaviour. Actions are far more influential than words. In the process of teaching children how to be kind and aware of others, you have an opportunity to improve yourself as well.

Here are some strategies that children respond to:

Make it a priority to care for others

Parents instinctively tend to prioritise their children’s happiness and achievements over their children’s concern for others. However, it is beneficial to teach children to balance their needs with the needs of others. It could be as simple as encouraging them to pass a ball to their teammate more often, or as brave as to stand up for friend who is being bullied.

Ask your children to put themselves in other people’s shoes a couple of times a day – thinking from someone else’s perspective can be very enlightening, whether the scenario is positive or negative, there’s always something to learn.

Make sure that your children always address others respectfully, even when they’re tired, distracted, or angry, regardless of their age.

Encourage them to ‘scan a room or situation’ and identify others who may benefit from kindness, the follow through and offer it.

Practice caring and gratitude

Gratitude has its own rewards. Studies show that people who express gratitude are more likely to be helpful, generous, compassionate, and forgiving—and they’re also more likely to be happy and healthy.

Learning to be caring is like learning anything else – it takes practice. Daily repetition—whether it’s a helping a friend with school work, helping out around the house, or caring for a pet —makes kindness second nature. Learning gratitude also involves regularly practice – point out how people giving time is an act of kindness, as much as money. Use mealtimes to discuss things or people they are grateful for.

Expand your child’s caring circle

Children tend to have a small circle of care among their families and friends. The challenge is help our children learn to care about someone outside that circle – expose them to different perspectives and teach them to consider how their
decisions can affect others.

No-one deserves kindness more or less than anyone else – teach children to be polite to waitresses, bus drivers or anyone who helps them. Encourage children to care for those who are vulnerable and to be a good role model to their peers. Kindness may not always be returned, but that does not mean it shouldn’t be offered.

Walk the talk

Children learn far more by watching the actions of adults they respect than listening to their words. Practice honesty, fairness, and caring yourself – this is not to say that parents, grandparents and mentors must aim to be perfect all the time. For our children to respect and trust us, we need to acknowledge our mistakes and flaws. We also need to respect children’s thinking and listen to their perspectives, demonstrating to them how we want them to engage others.