One trick pony

My older brother was very helpful. He told me that if I wanted to learn to swim, I should just keep walking out into the sea until I was out of my depth and, voila, I’d start swimming. Actually, I didn’t start swimming, I started drowning. Each time I was able to get my head above the surface, choking and spluttering, I caught glimpses of my mother wading out to rescue me – one of my most vivid childhood memories.

So not all advice is good advice – especially from one of my brothers – and sometimes even from well meaning people who want to help you raise your kids, and even when that well meaning person is me. I give lots of advice and I give it in good faith but one thing I do realise is that there are very few “one-size-fits-all” parenting solutions. A technique that worked perfectly well at my place with my kids might not work at your place at all, and it is not because the technique is a dumb one. Your family is different from mine and so your family needs different rules and techniques. And even the individual children in your family may need different parenting approaches, because they all have different personalities.

So, if you come across a good parenting idea – maybe in a book or on the internet or from a so-called parenting expert or from an in-law – try it. If it doesn’t work, try it again – sometimes you need to persevere to get results. But if it still doesn’t work, change it. Modify it to suit your own children and your own temperament. Or discard it completely and try something else. Some parents do get stuck in a groove, repeatedly doing the same thing over and over without it working. “I yell and nag and grizzle at my kids, and it doesn’t work. So maybe if I yell and nag and grizzle some more, maybe it will suddenly start to have the right effect.” Don’t be a one trick pony. There are all sorts of parenting tools you can try. I reckon our website is as good a place as any to find some new tips and techniques, so check out theparentingplace.com.

Happy parenting!