Caring for an Elderly Parent with Failing Memory

Caring for an elderly parent, when you yourself are in the retirement age bracket, can be a daily challenge. While there are services to call on for assistance, one of the most trying periods is the in-between years. These are the years when your parent is still living in their own home; when they are having ageing-in-place struggles but don’t yet qualify (or see themselves as being ready) for home help or specialist services or equipment. This is when the burden of care falls most heavily on you.

As you do your best to care for your parent, if their memory is slipping, you may need to be creative in the ways you manage this. While there are no end of devices available for those with a seriously impaired memory, there are also gentle ways to help a parent who is not yet in need of beepers and buzzers and talking clocks. Below are some tips others in your shoes have found helpful.

The power of flowers

It’s not unusual for an older person to become confused about the seasons. If your parent has always enjoyed gardening or flowers, seasonal flowers within view can act as a memory jogger. In spring, this can be provided through flowering bulbs in a pot on an indoor table; in summer, via potted dwarf sunflowers on the deck. A potted indoor chrysanthemum speaks of autumn, and a bright cyclamen on the table is a beacon proclaiming winter. Seasonal gardening magazines arriving in the mail are another visual reminder of the time of year.

Wardrobe switch

The clothing we wear is geared for the seasons. Working alongside your parent to pack away out-of-season garments and bring out seasonal clothing is a gentle reminder to them of the time of year. It also helps your parent dress according to the temperature – something that can help prevent dehydration or hypothermia.

Decor and decoration

Nature marks the change in seasons, but we also do this within our homes. Help an elderly parent mark the changes with decor and decorations: pop a woolly blanket or two over the arm of the sofa in winter, and set up the airing rack in the sun room. Place the deck chair and outdoor coffee table on the balcony in summer. Hang up decorations to reflect seasonal celebrations such as matariki, eid al-fitr, or Easter.

Conversational clues

No one likes to be constantly reminded of things they wish they had remembered themselves. Which is why it pays to get into the habit, when chatting to your parent, of casually popping date and time markers into the conversation. For example, instead of saying: “It’s getting dark. I’d better be on my way,” try “It’s getting dark so early now winter is here. I’d better head home.” When speaking of grandchildren, it’s easy to pop their age into the conversation with something like: “Oliver loves school! I can’t believe he’s five already!”

Staying hydrated

Remaining hydrated is essential for maintaining an elderly person’s health. If you suspect your parent is forgetting to drink during the day, provide them with a clear, lidded water jug that can remain on the bench or coffee table during the day. It serves as a visual reminder they have (or haven’t) been sipping as they should. A jug of water is also a reminder to visitors in-the-know to offer your parent a drink.

See-through containers

We all forget leftovers, but as memory declines, so does the contents of the fridge and freezer! The pantry is a collector of out-of-date food if we don’t notice it before it expires. Help an elderly parent keep track of left overs and pantry supplies (and also items to go on the shopping list) by providing them with clear plastic containers. When the food is visible, it’s much less likely to be forgotten. Clear containers also make it faster for you to do a visual check whenever you call in.

Providing gentle clues to help jog memory is a kindness to your parent, and a way to help them retain dignity in their increasingly confusing world.