Joke: Potential misunderstandings

Doctor signing a medical report in his office

Doctor signing a medical report in his office

Doctors are renowned for their poor handwriting. The following potential misunderstandings shows why trainee doctors must have, at the very least, a good grasp of English, long with their expertise in science.

Actual Medical Term Potential Misunderstanding
ArteryThe study of paintings
BacteriaBack door to cafeteria
BariumWhat doctors do when patients die
BenignWhat you be, after you be eight
Caesarean SectionA neighbourhood in Rome
Cat scanLooking for your cat
CauterizeMade eye contact with her
Colic A sheep dog
ComaA punctuation mark
 Dilate To live long
 Enema Unfriendly female
 FesterQuicker than someone else
FibulaA small lie
Impotent Distinguished, well known
 Labour Pain Getting hurt at work
 Medical Staff A Doctor’s cane
 Morbid A higher offer
 Nitrates Rates of Pay for Working at Night, normally more money than days
 Node I knew it
 Outpatient A person who has fainted
 Post Operative A letter carrier
 Recovery Room Place to do upholstery
 Rectum Nearly killed him
 Secretion Hiding something
 Seizure Roman Emperor
 Tablet A small table
 Terminal Illness Getting sick at the airport
 Tumour One plus one more
 Urine Opposite of you’re out