From The Typing Pool

These sentences actually appeared in church bulletins or were announced at church services: they show the value of  a proof reader – isn’t is interesting how grammar, spelling and sentence structure can make such a difference?

– Scouts are saving aluminium cans, bottles and other items to be recycled. Proceeds will be used to cripple children.

– Ladies, don’t forget the rummage sale. It’s a chance to get rid of those things not worth keeping around the house. Bring your husbands.

– Don’t let worry kill you off – let the Church help.

– Miss Charlene Mason sang ‘I will not pass this way again’ giving obvious pleasure to the congregation.

– For those of you who have children and don’t know it, we have a nursery downstairs.

– Next Thursday there will be try-outs for the choir. They need all the help they can get.

– Irving Benson and Jessie Carter were married on October 24 in the church. So ends a friendship that began in their schooldays.

– A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in the church hall. Music will follow.

– At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic will be ‘What Is Hell?’ Come early and listen to our choir practice.

– Eight new choir robes are currently needed due to the addition of several new members and to the deterioration of some older ones.

– Please place your donation in the envelope along with the deceased person you want remembered.

– The church will host an evening of fine dining, super entertainment and gracious hostility.

– Pot-luck supper Sunday at 5:00 PM – prayer and medication to follow.

– The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing of every kind. They may be seen in the basement on Friday afternoon.

– This evening at 7PM there will be a hymn singing in the park across from the Church. Bring a blanket and come prepared to sin.

– The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of the congregation would lend him their electric girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday.

– Low Self-Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday at 7PM. Please use the back door.

– The eighth-graders will be presenting Shakespeare’s Hamlet in the Church basement Friday at 7PM. The congregation is invited to attend this tragedy.

– Weight Watchers will meet at 7PM at the First Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door at the side entrance.