Two old ladies were outside their nursing home, having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end and put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.
Lady 1: What's that?
Lady 2: A condom. This way my cigarette doesn't get wet.
Lady 1: Where did you get it?
Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Lady 1 hobbles herself into the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The guy, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely she is, after all, over 80 years of age, but very delicately asks what brand she prefers.
Lady 1: Doesn't matter son, as long as it fits a Camel.
The pharmacist fainted.
barr012 - 13 years ago
This is “True”Friendship, none of that Sissy Crap. Are you tired of those sissy “friendship” poems that always sound good,but never actually come close to reality? Well here is a series of promises that actually speak of true friendship. You will see no cutesy little smiley faces on this card –
1) When you aresad–I wwill help you get drunk and plot revenge against the fu*king bastard who made you sad.
2) When you are blue– I will try to dislodge whatever is choking you.
3) When you smile–I will know you got laid.
4) When you are scared– I will take the piss out of you about it, every chance I get.
5) When you are worried– I will tell you horrible stories about how much worse it could be, until you stop whinging.
6) When you are confused– I will use little words.
7) When you are sick– Stay away from me until you are well again. I don’t want whatever you have.
8) When you fall– I will point and laugh at your clumsey ass.
9) This is my oath…….. I pledge it to the end. “Why/” you may ask; “because you are my friend”. Friendship is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it, but only you can feel the true warmth.
Send this to 10 of your closest friends, …. Then get depressed because you can only think of 4.