The Making of Mindsets

Where did those negative attitudes came from?

Just the other day, I was talking to my neighbour (Barry) who runs his own mobile cafe. I was shocked to hear him say how much he hoped his latest competition (a young couple, a couple of kilometres away) would soon crumble. Surely, I thought, in a city our size, there was room for both businesses to thrive, so why wouldn’t he wish them success? Back home, after I’d thought about it for a while, I realised, despite everything I like about Barry, he does have a negative take on almost anything he perceives as opposition. If he sees someone drive by in a smart car, he’ll comment on what he seems to know are the vehicle’s faults. There’s a property in our street with a great lawn, and a guy who’s always out mowing it. Barry reckons the owner bought the lawn ready-rolled, he didn’t sow the grass himself. I’ve even had Barry comment to me, after one of his customers had been telling him how much they enjoyed their overseas cruise, that the trip they went on was over-priced.

I don’t know how Barry knows these things, but now I think about it, I realise it’s not the point. The point is Barry feels threatened by other people’s success, and so he has to take them down a peg or two (either personally or in his own mind) to bolster his own ego. Take the young couple with the business, for instance. Instead of wishing their business would fail, Barry could actually offer them some of his own hard-won expertise – and almost certainly make some new friends at the same time. He could also try smiling at the people who drive by in the smart car, or even compliment them on it if they happen to stop by his cafe. And I have a feeling that, in response, they’d tell him how great his coffee was! But Barry, like all of us, has an entrenched way of thinking about some things. It colours his perception, and it holds him back from enjoying life to the full.

Barry’s an example of someone who, like most of us, has a fixed negative mindset. Instead of being open-minded enough to consider new ideas, experiences, and even material things such as a friend’s new purchase, we instead hunker down into our negative take on these things. But if these life-limiting attitudes prevent us from living life more fully, how come we accept them? And where did they even come from?

Mindsets develop in many different ways. Often they come from the culture we live on – one, for example, that tells us boys are good at science and maths, while girls are good at arts and literature. Or one culture is more successful at business than another. Mindsets can also come from a history of mistaken beliefs such as ‘weight problems are just part of my family genes so I can’t hope to become healthier.’ When these views are presented to us, repeatedly, especially when we are in our formative years and when they come from people we love and trust, they become embedded in our minds to the point we normalise them as ‘truth.’ Which is why we never question them – unless perhaps we are challenged to do so.

In our next article on overcoming negative mindsets, we’ll take a look at some of the most common mindsets which beset people from all walks of life – and especially those in the retirement age bracket. In the meantime, why not begin thinking about your own attitudes or mindsets – is it possible some of them could be not quite as truthful as you imagine?