Overcoming Loneliness – expressing your feelings

Feeling lonely from time to time is quite normal. However, when loneliness becomes a chronic state, or when we feel it’s dominating our lives or affecting our mental health, it’s time to sort the problem rather than let it consume and define us.

There are so many reasons for loneliness, and to the surprise of those who experience this unwanted state, it can arrive without warning. Sometimes it is the result of losing a loved one, sometimes it’s because we’ve moved home and left our community behind. Loneliness can occur because of an illness or condition which limits our ability to socialise, or because our financial state has changed and we can’t live the life we used to.

However loneliness arrives, it’s up to us to find a way out of this state. It doesn’t mean we have to do the work alone, or that we need change who we are, but it does mean we have to make a start on the journey to being part of the world again. One of the first things we can do to help ourself, is to learn how to talk about our feelings of loneliness. This is because a feeling shared, is a step towards making solid connections with others. Here’s how some people have shared their feelings of loneliness.

Talking to friends

Yes, it’s very possible to have friends and still be lonely. After all, a friend can’t replace the partner you’ve lost, or always be there for you when you are feeling low. Opening up to a friend about being lonely can help you feel less isolated. It can also help you to understand loneliness isn’t something to feel ashamed about – rather, it is a state you are going through, and one from which you are likely to emerge. So don’t be afraid to call a friend and tell them you are ‘feeling lonely.’ Using the words ‘I’m feeling lonely’ rather than ‘I’m lonely,’ will help your friend respond with empathy rather than having them feel they need to ‘solve a problem’ from you.

Alter the language

Sometimes, it can be really difficult to admit you’re feeling lonely. This is because loneliness carries with it an unjustified stigma – as if the person who is lonely is somehow to blame for their situation. If telling someone you’re lonely is too difficult, try some other phrases such as ‘I miss xxx very much – there’s no one I can connect with in the same way.’ Or ‘I feel as though I’m not mixing with others enough.’

Ask for what you need

It can be challenging for others to hear you are lonely. They may feel at a loss to know what to do to help, or they may feel under pressure to provide the company you need. Let them know that simply having a cup of tea together makes the world of difference, and sharing with them that you are feeling lonely is a huge help. In many ways, the less you ask of another, the more they will be willing to give.

List your feelings

Until we can articulate our feelings of loneliness, it can be difficult to express them to others or even ourselves. Take time out to note down what loneliness means to you. It may be you don’t feel important to anyone anymore, or even though you have others around you, you are missing deep connections. Perhaps you fear the future alone, or you are afraid to seek out friends in case they reject you. Understanding how loneliness impacts you can help the way you talk to yourself and others about your feelings.

Learning to talk about loneliness is one way of making connections with others at a meaningful level. It can build deep relationships without being demanding, and it can help us understand our own situation and feel less alone with it. If you’re feeling lonely, why not jump on our discussion forum or the live chat to connect with others.