Christmas is supposed to be easy. Familiar. Comfortable. We picture ourselves slipping straight back into old conversations as though it’s still last December and nothing has changed. At its best, Christmas conversation has a gentle rhythm that doesn’t need any prompting.
But Christmas can also bring together a strange mix of people: new partners, distant relatives, teenagers who haven’t looked up from a screen since 2021, and older family members whose lives no longer resemble yours at all. Add a few “extras” who appear out of nowhere, and suddenly you’re trying to make small talk with someone you barely remember meeting. If you’re not naturally chatty or outgoing, conversation can quickly become stilted and awkward.
The good news? Christmas conversations don’t need to be deep or dazzling. They just need to be warm. A handful of gentle questions and shared moments can soften even the most uncomfortable gathering.
Below are some situations you might find yourself in, and some conversation approaches to help you through them.
Your Child’s Partner (especially if they are new)
New partners often feel nervous — they want to make a good impression, they don’t know the family rhythms yet, and they’re hyper-aware they’re being assessed. Keeping things friendly and low-pressure helps ease everyone in.
Conversation starters:
“What does Christmas usually look like in your family?”
“What’s something you’re loving at the moment — a book, show, or hobby?”
“Did you have any favourite Christmas traditions growing up?”
“What’s been a highlight of your year?” (People often tell a story, not a single word.)
You’re inviting them to talk about themselves without putting them on trial. And if your child has mentioned something about them — a sport, job, interest — asking about that shows kindness without feeling invasive.
In-Laws (classic minefield territory)
Even when everyone gets along, you can still find yourself running out of things to say. You may know them well… and simultaneously have nothing in common with them.
Conversation starters:
“What’s one of your favourite Christmas memories?”
“Has the family always celebrated this way, or have traditions changed over the years?”
“Did you ever have a Christmas disaster? Burnt food, forgotten presents?”
“What are you looking forward to in the New Year?”
These questions open the door to stories — and people love stories.
When Someone Simply Doesn’t Like You (hello, sister-in-law)
This is delicate. You both know you have to be polite. You both know you’re not each other’s favourite person. But a little grace goes a long way.
A few gentle principles:
Stick to neutral topics. Safe, surface-level, but warm.
Aim for curiosity, not closeness. You’re not trying to win them over — just keep the tone civil and respectful.
Give them something easy to respond to. Nothing that sounds like a challenge, judgement, or emotional check-in.
Conversation starters that feel safe and adult:
“How has your year been? Anything interesting or unexpected?” (More open than “How are you?”)
“I remember you mentioning ___ a while ago — how is that going?”
“What does a relaxing day look like for you over the holidays?”
“Did you travel anywhere this year, or have anything on the horizon?”
If the relationship is especially strained, stick to shared experiences:
“How early did you start prep this year? I always feel like I blink and it’s suddenly December.”
“What’s your favourite part of Christmas Day?”
“Do you have any Boxing Day traditions?”
These aren’t intimate, but they’re human — and that’s enough.
Teenagers (the monosyllabic species)
Teenagers often avoid conversation because they fear being judged or cornered. They open up when they feel their interests matter.
Conversation starters:
“What’s the best thing you’ve watched, played, or listened to recently?”
“What’s something you’re into right now that most adults don’t understand?”
“If you could design the perfect Christmas Day, what would it look like?”
“Are you in holiday mode yet? What’s your ideal way to spend the break?”
The trick is to ask for their thoughts, not their life plan.
Older Relatives (especially those who have retired)
It can feel tricky when someone’s world no longer overlaps with yours — you don’t know what to ask, and they may feel out of place. The key is to invite stories. Older people often light up when asked about the times before now.
Conversation starters:
“What was Christmas like when you were a kid?”
“What’s the biggest change you’ve seen in Christmas traditions over the years?”
“Did you ever have a memorable holiday — good or bad?”
“What’s something you’ve really enjoyed in retirement that you never had time for before?”
Most older relatives will give you far more than a single-word answer — and they’ll often feel valued because you asked.
People Who’ve Had a Tough Year
Sometimes someone at the table is quietly grieving, exhausted, or simply struggling.
Questions that acknowledge without demanding:
“How are you finding the season so far?” (If they answer “fine,” you can respect that.)
“Has anything brought you a bit of joy lately?”
“Are you managing to get some rest over the break?”
This signals warmth without pressure.
Acquaintances, Strays, and “Extras”
These are the people who appear at Christmas but aren’t deeply connected to the family. Keep it easy.
Conversation starters:
“How do you know everyone here?”
“What does the rest of your holiday season look like?”
“Do you have a favourite Christmas movie or food?”
“Are you doing anything special for New Year’s?”
Everyone can answer these comfortably.
Tips to Weave Into Any Christmas Conversation
A few gentle principles can make almost any interaction feel easier, no matter who you’re talking to:
You don’t need deep conversations. Pleasant, light small talk is enough for Christmas to feel warm and connected.
Favour open-ended questions over closed ones. Questions starting with “what,” “how,” or “tell me about…” naturally create longer, more comfortable exchanges.
Be genuinely curious, not performative. People can tell when you’re asking out of politeness alone. A small spark of real interest goes a long way.
Use sincere compliments. They’re simple, disarming, and often open the door to broader conversation. (“You always make the best salads—how do you do it?”)
Lean on shared tasks. Setting the table, passing plates, handing around presents, or helping with food prep often creates conversation without the pressure of eye contact.
Accept that silence is okay. Not every moment needs to be filled. Sometimes the most comfortable connections come from simply being in the same space without forcing chatter.
Christmas conversations don’t need to be perfect. They don’t even need to be particularly interesting. The magic usually comes from a warm tone, a genuine question, or a shared laugh over burnt pavlova. Silence is allowed. Awkwardness is normal. And most people just want to feel included, even if only for a moment.
Sometimes the best Christmas connection is simply giving someone the chance to tell a story — and being kind enough to listen.
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