Day-to-day life is filled with decision making – when to get out of bed, what to have for breakfast, where to take the morning walk … These are the sorts of decisions we generally take in our stride. Where it gets more difficult, however, is with bigger considerations, such as: is it time to downsize, do I want to continue driving, should I take an overseas holiday, can I afford to give up the part time job, is this the year to repaint the house? For those of us who live alone, the effort (and worry) of making these sorts of decisions can sometimes feel overwhelming. If you find yourself facing decision-making alone, the following tips may help:
Don’t leave it to the last minute
Important decisions are best made when you’re thinking clearly, and you can almost guarantee you won’t be thinking clearly when under time pressure. Time pressure creates stress, and stress activates our brain’s limbic system (the part of our mind which is connected to making snap decisions to help save us in life and death situations). That’s helpful if you need to escape from a lion, but outside of an emergency situation, we need to be using our brain’s prefrontal cortex – the part that helps us to reason, and focus on complex decision making. When faced with an important decision, give yourself plenty of time to make it.
Research – but not forever!
Researching background information can be important in some cases of decision making. But it can also be a delaying tactic – and if we’re not careful, delaying can go on indefinitely. Decide, in advance, how long you’re going to spend researching – and stick to it. Make your research time worthwhile by listening to experts, not hearsay (Age Concern can be a helpful place to start). Where appropriate, check product reviews from a reliable source (such as Consumer NZ). If your decision involves your health, visit your GP for advice.
Take a break
If you’re feeling bogged-down with the need to make a decision, take a break. Try to get out of your home environment for a time – whether it’s through visiting friends or family, going for a drive, or taking a short holiday. Even enjoying an activity (such as a walk, a craft, a jigsaw, or watching a movie), can help. While you take your break, your mind will be quietly working away in the background, and when you return to your decision making, the answer may be quite clear.
Relax!
You are more likely to make a sound decision when you are relaxed. That’s easier said than done, but to help yourself feel calm and confident, remind yourself no decision is going to be perfect. Therefore, you are not looking for the perfect decision, but simply for one with the best merits. You can also help find relaxation by asking yourself: “What’s the worst that could happen?” When you ask this question, you will often realise, even if you don’t make the very best decision, you will still be able to manage or accept the consequences.
U-turn
Decisions won’t seem so daunting when you realise, in most cases, a u-turn is possible, even once the results of a decision are underway. If you are willing and able to make a change, your decision need not be a ‘forever’ one.
List and leave it
When making a decision alone, make a list of all the pros and cons you can think of (and don’t be afraid to consult wise others, whom you trust, for their thoughts – they may bring entirely new perspectives to the situation). You can even weight each pro or con on how important it is. Once you’ve made your list, set it aside for several days. When you return to it, the decision may be obvious.
Making big decisions isn’t easy at the best of times, but when you don’t have a significant other in your life, they can feel even more of a burden. Give yourself time and space to know what is right for you.
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