The 5 love languages – & how to use them

“There is only one happiness in this life, to love and be loved.”– George Sand

Expressing love to our partner is something that we do, most of us every day – whether it’s consciously or unconsciously. A kiss when they’re headed out the door to work, a surprise bunch of flowers when they’re feeling down, or simply just tidying the house for when they come home because you know they’ll appreciate it.

All these little activities express the love that you have for your partner, and in fact, can be categorised into different love languages!

The 5 love languages

It was Gary Chapman, back in 1995, that defined the 5 love languages, in his bestselling book, The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate.

The five love languages are:

• Gift giving, such as a special birthday present, or simply their favourite chocolate from the store when you visit
• Spending quality time together without interruptions, like sharing a Scrabble game, or walking in the park together
• Words of affirmation, such as “I love you”, or “You’re beautiful”
• Acts of devotion, such as cooking a favourite meal, or ironing their clothes
• Physical touch, such as sex, or simply holding their hand while out shopping

Each language outlines a way in which people can feel loved, and express love. Each person can express and feel love in a combination of these languages, with some resonating more strongly with different people. Typically, people tend to give in the same way that they like to receive.

You probably looked over the list and thought about how much each category of activity made you feel special when your partner did them to you. We are all different, and there is no right or wrong way to feel like we are loved!

Using the 5 love languages to make your partner feel special

So, you’ve found out which of the 5 love languages make you feel loved. Now, it’s time to have a think about which of these languages speak most strongly to your partner.

You can do this by thinking about times when they’ve been the happiest after you’ve done something for them.

Was it…

• When you took a weekend trip to a little remote cabin in the woods? (Spending quality time together)
• When you give them a massage? (Physical touch)
• When you told them how amazing they are? (Words of affirmation)
• When you fixed their favourite piece of jewellery that was broken? (Acts of devotion)
• When you bought them a new tablet? (Gift giving)

You can also see their reactions with other loved ones to help in working this out.

Once you’ve determined how your partner feels love the strongest, you can concentrate on these particular styles of expressing love to them. A happy, loved partner makes for a happy life, after all!