How to Help the Hoarder in Your Life

Watching anyone, but especially someone you love, battle a mental illness is hard, and painful. The process is especially difficult when the sufferer has little or no insight to their illness, or if they refuse help. Hoarding disorder is much more than a tendency to collect a few items superfluous to needs, or a reluctance to part with sentimental items not posing a storage problem in the home. Hoarding disorder is serious. It’s an illness which requires professional help, but there are steps you can take to support a sufferer. Below are just a few suggestions to help you feel less powerless in helping a loved-one with this debilitating mental illness.

Button it!

Don’t be judgmental. However well-meaning you are, we all tend to see things through the lens of our own experience. If you’ve never experienced an anxiety disorder, you will have little idea, if any, of what it can do to distort rational thinking. Approach someone with a hoarding disorder with compassion and understanding. Don’t assume they can ‘pull themselves together.’ If they could, they would have done so long before now. Put a lid on your judgmental comments, and first and foremost be a friend in the same way you would to someone who doesn’t suffer from hoarding disorder. Go out and about with them, spend time in conversation, be a listening ear, and share a holiday with them now and then.

Safety first

Until help can be arranged for a loved one with hoarding disorder, do what you can (without causing further anxiety) to keep the person safe in their home. This can be as simple as offering to check their smoke alarm batteries, or if they don’t have smoke alarms in their house, taking the initiative and purchasing some. Once you have them on hand, you can then offer to install them. Bathrooms, toilets, and kitchen areas are potential danger spots in a hoarder’s home. While using the bathroom in your loved-one’s home, it may be possible to complete some small practical tasks such as cleaning the toilet, relocating items obstructing access to basins and sinks, and clearing flammable material away from cooking surfaces. You can’t work miracles, but small changes can make a difference.

Learn

Your own worry and frustration will be lessened if you educate yourself about hoarding disorder. As you come to understand this complex problem, you will be more available to the one you care about, and their feeling understood can be a start to them asking for help. The internet, library, and a range of organisations (see below) can all provide you with information. But if you find it difficult to access the information you are looking for, make an appointment to talk it over with your GP.

Be the buddy

Seeking help for mental illness can be scary. If your loved one shows signs of wanting to access help, offer to go with them to an appointment, or to provide transport if they don’t have it. Reassure them this doesn’t mean you necessarily want to accompany them into the appointment, but let them know you will also do this if they want you to. At any appointment where you are accompanying a loved-one, keep quiet unless you are asked to speak and be a provider of facts, not opinions.

Connect

Seeking help for a loved one with hoarding difficulties can feel like entering a labyrinth, but be methodical and persistent. One of the first places to look for advice is through your own GP or the GP of the person you are assisting. The Mental Health Foundation also offers information on organisations that can assist, as does Age Concern NZ and Anxiety NZ.

Don’t lose sight of the fact hoarding is a complex disorder and it is the outward manifestation of inner issues confronting a sufferer. Even when help is sought, hoarding disorder, and the anxiety associated with it, won’t disappear overnight. While you wait for help to arrive, or for the results of it to kick in, practise patience, and above all, reach out to those who can support you while you support your loved-one.