In my sixties, I started tripping and slipping. I was told tai chi was very good for preventing falls and creating better balance, so I began to attend classes.
My balance improved and I was no longer in such danger of falling.
More than one way to fall
As we age there are many ways of falling:
· Falling into negative thinking, despondency and complaint, into believing life can only get worse.
· At the first sign of memory loss, we may slip into the negative belief there is nothing we can do about it.
· After an accident or surgery, we may fall into believing a worthwhile life is over.
· When we are patronised or encounter ageism in its many forms, we may slide into seeing ourselves as smaller or unimportant.
· Falling into thinking we are no longer young we have nothing to contribute.
Beware of slippery slopes
None of the above is true! None of it is inevitable.
Even though we do lose physical capacity with age, there are many ways in which our competence increases.
· Research has shown the limbic brain grows calmer and the brain itself becomes more comprehensive in its thinking.
· The experience of a lifetime equips us for problem-solving. We gain developmental intelligence, which is the maturing of emotional intelligence, social skills, life experience, discernment, and much more.
· We are better at integrating our experiences.
· We gain wisdom as we make meaning of our life experiences, especially the tough ones.
The star model
In my book Spirited Ageing I developed a model for ageing well. Think of a downward pointing triangle. This represents the capacities that diminish as we age; for example, hearing, physical strength, and agility.
Now think of an upward-pointing triangle. This represents the capacities that increase as we age; the ones I have mentioned above as well as the capacity for love, service, and passing on a legacy from the rich harvest of our lives.
If you imagine one triangle imposed upon the other, you have a six-pointed star.
The way of balance
The way to be a star as you age is to balance the triangles of diminishing and increasing, to balance the bad with the good. When you take the way of balance, not only do you avoid falling into negativity, but you age as a whole person. Others can relate to you more easily than if you dwell on your aches and pains because you will be sharing the joy that comes from a moment of beauty, a happy memory, or a message from a friend.
The foreign land of the old
Researching Spirited Ageing resourced me well for what lay ahead. I didn’t know what my mid-seventies were going to be like. Yet I was curious. Being old seemed like a foreign country and I didn’t know the language, but whatever lay ahead, I wanted to be there when it happened, conscious and aware.
How journal writing helps
I picked up my pen and began writing The Pomegranate Journal: the art of getting older, one day at a time. Through challenges and joys, revival in nature and fatigue from pain, making new friends and losing old ones, the Journal helped me to make meaning of what happened. It helped me to make wise choices, and bring me through setbacks to times of new openings. It meant walking the talk from my earlier book. It meant discovering a more positive language to describe getting older.
Readers tell me they feel hopeful and inspired after reading the new book. They feel companioned and guided. They feel they can face getting older without fear of falling. The Pomegranate Journal offers a way of balance. At the end of the book, I offer some tips for keeping your own contemplative journal. It is a great resource., and one I recommend.
Juliet Batten
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