Free play

Play has changed. We used to ‘go and play’ as kids – often for hours outside and unsupervised. We learned to negotiate, stand up for ourselves, judge danger and fairness and have a really great time. Sometimes we got hurt, sometimes we pushed our personal boundaries, but we worked it out ourselves and developed experience and life-long interests and friendships.

Due to increased traffic, political correctness and a change in culture, children today are very rarely left to ‘play’ without a whole lot of rules and supervision. Play dates are organised and choreographed by adults to keep children entertained, safe, and happy. There is far less spontaneity and creativity. Fields and makeshift forts and basic sports gear has been replaced by indoor play centres, bright colours and everyone getting a prize. Children learn through play; so by micromanaging every aspect of their games, are we helping or hindering their development?

Experts say that modern children are struggling to learn some interpersonal skills, due to a lack of freedom in play. As adults, we know that life isn’t necessarily always fair, or easy. It is natural to want to soothe the waters for children as much as possible – anyone who has every been picked last or left out as a kid knows the pain it causes. However, endless input from adults can restrict the development of independence.

Children need to learn to include others, be empathetic and kind, by practicing in real life situations. This is best done through daily play experiences with other children – especially outdoors, where children can roam, explore, and play a little bit away from the adult world, in safety. Adults can certainly model and discuss this kind of behaviour, but need to try and refrain from scripting and managing every social interaction of their children too much.

Traditional games were rough and messy and seem (to adults) a bit chaotic. However, teachers are reporting that more and more children are having trouble regulating their emotions in school, struggling with a sense of entitlement, and constantly seeking out adult reassurance with just about any difficulty they encounter. They rarely face adversity, and do not often need to resolve instances of conflict – Mum, Dad or another adult is always there to do it for them.

Somewhat ironically, parents and grandparents then spend an enormous amount of time and money seeking out information about organised programmes that claim to make children smarter, nicer, more confident, and more socially adept.

The truth is that no ‘programme’ will entirely prepare children for life. They need to experience and learn firsthand how to socially interact with others; how to become confident and capable when encountering new situations; and how to develop strong character traits such as generosity and kindness. Similar to learning new motor skills, the more practice children have in child-led play experiences, the more comfortable they will be in varying social situations.

If children truly got regular free play with friends every day both during school and outside of school, they would learn the essential skills of negotiation, trading, conflict-resolution, empathy, kindness, sharing, compassion, and so much more. Isn’t it time we step back and let the children play – and let them learn for themselves how to cope in the real world?