Joke: Pondering the ways of the world

I’ve been wondering about the world…

If walking is good for your health, surely the postman would be immortal?

A whale swims all day, only eats fish, drinks water, but is still fat…

A rabbit runs and hops and only lives 5 years, while …

A tortoise doesn’t run and does mostly nothing, yet it lives for 150 years…

And you tell me to exercise?? I don’t think so.

Now that I’m older here’s what I’ve discovered:

1. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

2. My wild oats are mostly enjoyed with prunes and all-bran.

3. I finally got my head together, and now my body is falling apart.

4. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

5. If God wanted me to touch my toes, he’d have put them on my knees.

6. If all is not lost, then where the heck is it?

7. It was a whole lot easier to get older, than to get wiser.

8. Some days, you’re the top dog; some days you’re the lamp post.

9. I wish the buck really did stop here; I sure could use a few of them.

10. Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

11. Accidents in the back seat cause kids.

12. It’s hard to make a comeback when you haven’t been anywhere.

13. The world only beats a path to your door when you’re in the bathroom.

14. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

15. When I’m finally holding all the right cards, everyone wants to play chess.

16. It’s not hard to meet expenses . . . they’re everywhere.

17. The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

18. These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter. I go somewhere to get something, and then wonder what I’m “here after”.

19.. Funny, I don’t remember being absent-minded.

20.. HAVE I SENT THIS MESSAGE TO YOU BEFORE?