4 Big Steps to Saving Your Very Important Marriage

Throughout the process of contemplating a divorce, whether it is through your doing or your spouse's, you need to keep in mind that it is never too late to stop a divorce.  It is well known that divorce is one of the most traumatic things that can happen in a person's life.  It is far too common of an occurrence with nearly half of all American marriages ending in divorce. When you consider the fact that divorce is so traumatic and one of the worst things that can happen to a person, even worse than the passing of a loved one, then you quickly realize how much heartache there is in the world.

The hidden tragedy is that most of these divorces could probably have been avoided with the right interplay of communications and actions.  You don’t have to be a statistic on the divorce chart.  You can really stop your divorce with some effort.  It is not going to be easy, but it is possible.  There are various steps you can follow to repair what has been broken.

You could never build a boat without blueprints, right?  So don’t expect to rebuild your marriage without some kind of proven plan.  There is help available to you in the form of plans that have worked before.  It would behoove you to take advantage of these, if you can.  You can be one of the success cases in saving a marriage.

Step One: Determine the Problems

The first thing you need to discover is why your marriage is failing or has failed.  To do this you will need to work with your spouse in determining the main problems in the marriage.  This may not be easy since it is difficult at times to separate symptoms of divorce from reasons. What you think is clearly a reason may be a symptom of a larger problem.

Step Two: Repair the Problems

One you have completed step one and really found the problems, then you can figure out how to fix these problems.  If you can’t fix the problems then you may not be able to stop your divorce.  Most problems can be fixed but there are some that cannot be.  Identifying the issues that are potentially divorce causing is a huge step.  Most marriage ending problems don’t get resolved only because they are never identified.  In this step you need to make compromises with your spouse in order to save your marriage.  Talk often and talk a lot!

Step Three:  The Good Times are Not Gone

Constantly remind yourself and your spouse of the reasons you got together in the first place. Remember the good times and the fun you had.  You marriage may be bad right now but there had to be a time when it was good.  Keep in mind this fact and try to recreate what it was that helped make the good times good. 

Step Four:  Begin Anew

Begin your marriage as a brand new marriage.  Try to forget the bad times now that you have resolved your marriage problems. Look at your spouse in a new light and learn about them all over again.  There may be things about them you never new.  Things have changed forever at this point and you need to learn to work with the spouse you are currently married to and not the way your spouse was before. Don't pretend your spouse is always going to be your ideal person.  Accept them as they are and work together to be a better marriage than you had before.

It is very likely that if you follow these four basic steps you will go a long way in saving your marriage.  There is more help available to you if you are willing to take the time to find it and use it.  Saving your marriage is one of the most important things you can do for your own health and happiness.

By Mark Jordan