Valentine’s Day Comes and Goes but Romance is for Everyday!

February 14 – ring any bells? If not, don’t write-off yourself, or your partner, as being unromantic. Failing to remember February 14 is Valentine’s Day does not mean your relationship is lacking romance. On the contrary, rather than a once-a-year bunch of roses or box of chocolates, romance is much more about the everyday things partners do to show love and affection for each other. Before we look further at these simple but important romantic acts, let’s get to know a little about the saint who’s responsible for the mid-February sugar-shop and florist-frenzy.

St Valentine is a mysterious figure (or possibly an amalgamation of two historic people) with a number of legends attributed to their name. Thought to date from the reign of Roman Emperor Claudius, Valentine was said to have been a Christian bishop who secretly married couples at a time when, so disputable legend has it, husbands weren’t required to go to war. Coupled with a belief from the Middle Ages that birds paired up in February prior to nesting (and an effort to oust an existing pagan festival), the Catholic Church declared Valentine a saint in the year 496.

Legend and confusion aside, Valentine’s Day is here to stay, and whether or not we choose to celebrate it with a gift to our partner, it’s a reminder every healthy relationship is fueled by romance. Not necessarily the sort of romance belonging to the euphoric ‘in-love’ first 2 years of a relationship, or even the ‘attachment’ stage which accompanies the first 5 years of partnering. We’re talking true, long-lasting love that binds a couple together through thick and thin – the sort of romance displayed on a daily basis through spontaneous, but also intentional, acts of loving affection and kindness. What does this look like in reality? We asked couples over the age of 60, who have been in long-term relationships, how they go about romancing the one they love, and this is what they told us:

I take my wife coffee, each and every morning, and have done for the last 20-odd years. I do it summer and winter, even when it’s very cold and the kitchen hasn’t yet warmed up. Even when we have guests staying, it’s always my wife who gets her coffee first. Now that we have an espresso machine, I’ve been working on perfecting a heart pattern on top of the froth!

My husband needs to exercise daily to keep his blood pressure under control, but he doesn’t enjoy being active. I prefer to be a couch potato, too, but every day, I put on my leggings, lace up my shoes and head out with him for an hour’s brisk walk. I’ve been doing it for 10 years and have no intention of stopping. I want him with me all the days God gives us!

My partner’s not a planner but he loves travel as much as I do. My gift to him is to ask him where he’d like to go, then make it happen. It’s hard work (we’re not wealthy, and careful budgeting is part of the planning) but my time is something I can give him, and travel makes him so happy.

Movies are full of romantic scenes of lovers lying comfortably in bed in each other’s arms. But have you any idea how uncomfortable it can actually be to have someone in your arms, in bed, for more than a few minutes? My gift to my wife is to snuggle her close to me when we’re in bed and let her fall asleep in my arms. I’m not saying it’s comfortable, but I know she loves it!

This Valentine’s day, we’re not saying ‘skip the flowers or chocs.’ What we are saying is romance is much bigger and more everyday than a Feb 14 token of affection!