What To Do When We Don’t Know What To Do….

Being at ease with not knowing is crucial for answers to come to you.” Eckhart Tolle

Despite everything we may know there are times in our lives when the way ahead is not at all clear. Or it may be that whichever way we choose, we may get stuck. It may be something that is outside anything we have ever experienced before, or it may be a situation that is so surprising, we just won't know what to do. 

When we don't know what to do, it's very easy to end up in a "Now what?" rut. We may ruminate over the matter, playing it over and over in our mind focusing on the negative consequences. This cycle of asking "Now what?" becomes very non-productive as the only answer we can come up with is, “I don't know.” 

We all experience this ‘being stuck’ feeling, whether it is about an everyday event or much bigger challenges or serious losses. Fortunately, we are usually able to adapt. In other words we become resilient. Resilience is the capacity to adapt successfully in the face of threats or disaster. 

So what do resilient people do? They are likely to:

Accept it’s ok not to know

Many of us get stuck from the start as we don’t have an immediate answer or we may ‘beat ourselves up’ for not foreseeing each and every problem we encounter. A valuable thing to do is to become more aware of the whole situation. It can sometimes help to ask ourselves ‘how am I reacting to the situation?’ and to observe how others are behaving.

Understand that setbacks happen

Life is full of challenges. We cannot avoid them. How can we remain open and flexible?

Try to have some control over the situation

Resilient people see themselves as having control over their lives. Rather than looking for others to blame for failures and problems they tend to believe that whatever they do will affect the final outcome.  

Have problem-solving skills

There are times when we really, truly, just don’t have a clue about what to do. But in these cases, it can clarify things if we calmly and rationally look at the situation and envision a solution.  

When we are in this difficult situation are we aware of important details and the opportunities?

Have social connections

Getting support from others in tough times as well as other times is invaluable. It is particularly constructive if that support comes in the form of sounding out our ideas, finding new solutions and expressing our emotions. 

Ask for help

One of the most difficult things to do is admitting that we don’t have all the answers ourselves. Just because we don’t have the answer though, doesn’t mean that no one has an answer. 

Apart from talking to family and friends we can find help from books, online groups, support groups, Dr. Google, therapists and coaches. 

Set realistic goals

Resilient people usually have goals to move them from the ‘Wouldn’t it be nice” stage. 

So, when the going gets stuck, and you find yourself in a “now what” rut, keep these ideas in mind! Getting going may be difficult, but it doesn’t have to be impossible… and “not knowing what to do” doesn’t have to be the end of the road for your success goals.

“I find that even small changes sometimes jog you out of a mental rut.” Tom Perrotta

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