Your Home is Bugged

bugged
bugged

Kids with bunny ears peeking from beneath the table - waiting for the easter rabbit

Your home is bugged: two microphones and two cameras per child. They are watching us, listening to everything, especially the things we say about them, and it impacts them. If they overhear us expressing doubt about their ability (saying, “He won’t be able to do that”) then, you will be proved completely correct. They won’t be able to do it. Their confidence will be washed away by your words. If they hear us say things like, “She’d be too scared to do that”, again, your prediction will be confirmed: their fear will flare up. Our pronouncements – ‘he’s naughty’, ‘he’s not as clever as his sister’, ‘she wouldn’t like that’ – have a powerful impact on our kids.

Our children will, unfortunately, hear lots of negative things during their lives – criticisms and put downs – and they will probably handle most of them pretty well. They can erect defences and deflect much of that negativity. But they are defenceless against us, their parents. Words from a parent seem to cut straight into their egos and change their opinion of themselves. Even those of us with good parents – and I had lovely parents – can probably recall things they yelled at us when they were cross and frustrated (“Are you thick or something?”) and we’ve stored those words in some dark little corner of our psyche. When we are feeling a bit low and depressed we can pull those words out and beat ourselves with them.

Fortunately, the flipside is also true – when children overhear us speaking positively and proudly about them, it is amazing what a tonic it is to their self esteem. So, take care with how you speak about your kids. Even when they are still babies and toddlers and you think they can’t understand you, get into the habit of only speaking positive and affirming things about them. Probably, at every age, they are picking up far more from us than we think.

For more check out theParentingPlace.com

The Parenting Place is starting a 6-week Mindful parenting course in the Greenlane Centre next Wednesday 21st October from 7.30 to 9pm for the following 6 Wednesdays, with the last one on Wednesday 25th November. If you are interested, there is more information on the website.