Your Child is Happier Than You Think

People sometimes joke that when you give birth you get a baby and also a bag of things to feel guilty about. Maybe I can relieve some of that guilt, because surveys show that children are often happier than their parents think they are.

Big surveys  (I mean really big surveys – one was of twelve thousand seven year olds) have been done in the UK and the results were presented at the 2014 British Sociological Association annual conference recently. They were measuring what predicts wellbeing and how happy people were. Of course lots of things impact how happy kids are – poverty and the safety of the neighbourhood are big factors, but the biggest factor of all was their relationships. A finding that impressed me –  and will surprise some people  – is that children with a lone parent or a disabled parent or a step-parent were, on average, just as happy as children living with two biological parents. And some of the people who would be most surprised by that fact are their parents themselves. The report says that ‘Lone, disabled or ill parents, and parents who could not afford to take their family on holiday, were all more likely to feel that their child was unhappy’. But that isn’t the case.  What really mattered was warm, supportive and playful relationships with their family.

The happiest seven-year olds were ones who got one well with their brothers and sisters, had fun with their family at the weekend and had parents who didn’t shout or smack them.  

The same results also applied to teenagers. In general, teens are not as happy as younger kids but their happiness was not affected by being with a lone parent.  Once again, the biggest factors were things like feeling supported by a parent and sharing meals with the family.

If you are a sole parent, you’ll be the first to admit that it is tougher having to cover a lot of bases on your own, but I thought you’d like to know that if you love them heaps, they’ll be as happy as any kids.  That bag of guilt didn’t really have anything in it after all. 

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